Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2000 21:30:13 -0600
Reply-To: Joel Walker <jwalker@URONRAMP.NET>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Joel Walker <jwalker@URONRAMP.NET>
Subject: Re: Amish and pollution and gas mileage.(it's FRIDAY!)
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> There has to be a better place to debate whether horse shit is more of a
> pollutant than an automobile, whether the Amish are too blame for all the
> bad air we breath, and whether we have enough oil to survive the next
> century or not.
nah, this is the only place that such things can semi-intelligently be
discussed. for only WE, the true believers, can know the insidious nature of
those supposedly 'peaceful' groups of extremists like the Amish and
Mennonites and Quakers!!! why, those Quakers claim to be sooooo simple and
peace-loving but in actual fact are co-owners of one of the largest oil
companies and producers of automobile motor oil in the world!!!! and you
thought Quaker State was just a cute name! noooo!! it's a conspiracy, i tell
ya! first they destroy the ozone layer with cow farts and horse manure ...
acres and acres and tons and tons of it!! .... then they are the only ones
left with any motor oil to run the ozone generators they have safely (and
secretly) hidden in those big barns they have! ever wonder what else they've
got in those barns? why do they need such big barns??? cause them alien
spaceships aren't small economy ships, that's why! you can't just build a
econobox flying saucer and jump around the universe, you know ... getting
from one star to another takes a big ship ... and a lot of horse manure!
'enough oil to survive the next century' is, indeed, a moot point (ever
notice the sound that cows make!!! "moooo". a little too coincidentally
close to "moot", if you ask me!!!), cause nobody can prove conclusively that
we survived the LAST century. i mean, think about it: do you have ANY real
proof that the world even existed 100 years ago?? no! we have a lot of
printed books and painted pictures and stuff like that, but nobody is still
alive that was living then ... and even if they were, they'd be senile and i
don't know if i'd take their word for it anyway!!! so here we are, with all
these extremists telling us how good the good-old-days were, and we don't
even know if there WERE any good-old-days!!
>Cow will fart, and there is little we can do about it.
we could herd cats and pigs, instead of cows. pigs are much smaller and have
shorter legs so they are easier to catch. looks a little silly, but then so
does herding cats. if we're gonna herd cows, why not herd elephants?? lots
more milk and meat on an elephant. easier to see them in the woods when they
try to hide. able to cross deeper rivers without drowning. only trouble is,
they have bigger horns, too! which is why i'm inclined to favor pig herding
instead.
the thing is, we live in a fairly advanced technological civilization and we
don't HAVE to put up with cow farts!! we have rights, we can demand better
farts from our government! pig farts, cat farts, even chicken farts ... we
could have a choice ... but nooooooooooo, it's them Amish that keep pushing
cow farts on the rest of us! even to the point of sawing the horns off the
cows and making them look like horses, and pulling their buggies around,
farting all over the place.
> Horses will crap anywhere,
only because no one has ever bothered to house-train them! properly trained
horses are no more likely to crap anywhere than is a cat. in fact, horses
and cats have a lot in common: two eyes, two ears, four legs, etc. so
there's no reason to conclude that horses can't be house-trained to use
sandboxes, just like cats. sure, the sandboxes will have to be somewhat
larger, but that just means you won't have to clean/empty it as often. a
house-horse is a wonderful pet, and loves to climb up on the sofa with you
while you watch television (they LOVE to watch re-runs of Mr. Ed. they think
Wilbur is hilarious! when did you ever see a cat laugh at a tv show, or even
take an interest in one? never! cats are NOT very intellectual .... horses,
on the other hand, are highly intelligent and have a great sense of humor
(we even have the term "horse-laugh" from them).
> and the internal combustion engine is NOT going away.
well, of course not, if you keep on feeding it table scraps!! you cannot
just feed every stray engine that comes into your yard. if you do, soon
there'll be a hundred of them, then a million ... they have no sense of
shame and will eat you out of house and home! they don't have any loyalty to
the people that feed them, and will take gasoline from ANYbody who happens
along. all they want is your oil and gasoline, and when they've got that,
they could care less about you or your family or how much money you have
left. and there are vile 'engine-mills' out there that just churn out engine
after engine, dressing them up in pretty clothes and tires, with bright
shiny headlights, hoping to sucker you into caring for them, so they can
bankrupt you with their appitites! engine control laws, as they now stand,
are inadequate to curb the overcrowding of our highways by these strays and
runaway engines. sooner or later, there won't be any room left for the rest
of us ... and it's all the fault of those Amish!!! you ever seen an Amish
feeding an engine? no! ever seen one driving an engine around, looking for
food? no! they never have anything to do with engines! now, what does that
suggest to you? well, i tell ya, i don't have to be smacked up side the head
with a mackerel to smell something fishy! i think the Amish are raising
those engines in their big barns (with help from the aliens!) and taking the
engines faaaar away from their own homes and dumping them in the middle of
the big city! and they don't bother to neuter or spay them, so first thing
you have all sorts of little engines running around: weed eaters, chain
saws, lawn mowers, leaf blowers, and the like! even motorcycles! until we
have some effective governmental engine control laws, we'll have to put up
with the hordes of feral engines running loose in our cities, endangering
our very lives.
but at least, most of them are smaller than cows!
i tell ya, Willoughby, there are strange things afoot these days ...
unca joel
:)
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