Date: Fri, 25 Feb 2000 23:00:13 -0500
Reply-To: William Maxian <wmaxian@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: William Maxian <wmaxian@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Subject: Re: Amish and pollution and gas mileage.(it's FRIDAY!)
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Couldn't have said it better. Max
83.5 Westy
Joel Walker wrote:
> > There has to be a better place to debate whether horse shit is more of a
> > pollutant than an automobile, whether the Amish are too blame for all the
> > bad air we breath, and whether we have enough oil to survive the next
> > century or not.
>
> nah, this is the only place that such things can semi-intelligently be
> discussed. for only WE, the true believers, can know the insidious nature of
> those supposedly 'peaceful' groups of extremists like the Amish and
> Mennonites and Quakers!!! why, those Quakers claim to be sooooo simple and
> peace-loving but in actual fact are co-owners of one of the largest oil
> companies and producers of automobile motor oil in the world!!!! and you
> thought Quaker State was just a cute name! noooo!! it's a conspiracy, i tell
> ya! first they destroy the ozone layer with cow farts and horse manure ...
> acres and acres and tons and tons of it!! .... then they are the only ones
> left with any motor oil to run the ozone generators they have safely (and
> secretly) hidden in those big barns they have! ever wonder what else they've
> got in those barns? why do they need such big barns??? cause them alien
> spaceships aren't small economy ships, that's why! you can't just build a
> econobox flying saucer and jump around the universe, you know ... getting
> from one star to another takes a big ship ... and a lot of horse manure!
>
> 'enough oil to survive the next century' is, indeed, a moot point (ever
> notice the sound that cows make!!! "moooo". a little too coincidentally
> close to "moot", if you ask me!!!), cause nobody can prove conclusively that
> we survived the LAST century. i mean, think about it: do you have ANY real
> proof that the world even existed 100 years ago?? no! we have a lot of
> printed books and painted pictures and stuff like that, but nobody is still
> alive that was living then ... and even if they were, they'd be senile and i
> don't know if i'd take their word for it anyway!!! so here we are, with all
> these extremists telling us how good the good-old-days were, and we don't
> even know if there WERE any good-old-days!!
>
> >Cow will fart, and there is little we can do about it.
>
> we could herd cats and pigs, instead of cows. pigs are much smaller and have
> shorter legs so they are easier to catch. looks a little silly, but then so
> does herding cats. if we're gonna herd cows, why not herd elephants?? lots
> more milk and meat on an elephant. easier to see them in the woods when they
> try to hide. able to cross deeper rivers without drowning. only trouble is,
> they have bigger horns, too! which is why i'm inclined to favor pig herding
> instead.
>
> the thing is, we live in a fairly advanced technological civilization and we
> don't HAVE to put up with cow farts!! we have rights, we can demand better
> farts from our government! pig farts, cat farts, even chicken farts ... we
> could have a choice ... but nooooooooooo, it's them Amish that keep pushing
> cow farts on the rest of us! even to the point of sawing the horns off the
> cows and making them look like horses, and pulling their buggies around,
> farting all over the place.
>
> > Horses will crap anywhere,
>
> only because no one has ever bothered to house-train them! properly trained
> horses are no more likely to crap anywhere than is a cat. in fact, horses
> and cats have a lot in common: two eyes, two ears, four legs, etc. so
> there's no reason to conclude that horses can't be house-trained to use
> sandboxes, just like cats. sure, the sandboxes will have to be somewhat
> larger, but that just means you won't have to clean/empty it as often. a
> house-horse is a wonderful pet, and loves to climb up on the sofa with you
> while you watch television (they LOVE to watch re-runs of Mr. Ed. they think
> Wilbur is hilarious! when did you ever see a cat laugh at a tv show, or even
> take an interest in one? never! cats are NOT very intellectual .... horses,
> on the other hand, are highly intelligent and have a great sense of humor
> (we even have the term "horse-laugh" from them).
>
> > and the internal combustion engine is NOT going away.
>
> well, of course not, if you keep on feeding it table scraps!! you cannot
> just feed every stray engine that comes into your yard. if you do, soon
> there'll be a hundred of them, then a million ... they have no sense of
> shame and will eat you out of house and home! they don't have any loyalty to
> the people that feed them, and will take gasoline from ANYbody who happens
> along. all they want is your oil and gasoline, and when they've got that,
> they could care less about you or your family or how much money you have
> left. and there are vile 'engine-mills' out there that just churn out engine
> after engine, dressing them up in pretty clothes and tires, with bright
> shiny headlights, hoping to sucker you into caring for them, so they can
> bankrupt you with their appitites! engine control laws, as they now stand,
> are inadequate to curb the overcrowding of our highways by these strays and
> runaway engines. sooner or later, there won't be any room left for the rest
> of us ... and it's all the fault of those Amish!!! you ever seen an Amish
> feeding an engine? no! ever seen one driving an engine around, looking for
> food? no! they never have anything to do with engines! now, what does that
> suggest to you? well, i tell ya, i don't have to be smacked up side the head
> with a mackerel to smell something fishy! i think the Amish are raising
> those engines in their big barns (with help from the aliens!) and taking the
> engines faaaar away from their own homes and dumping them in the middle of
> the big city! and they don't bother to neuter or spay them, so first thing
> you have all sorts of little engines running around: weed eaters, chain
> saws, lawn mowers, leaf blowers, and the like! even motorcycles! until we
> have some effective governmental engine control laws, we'll have to put up
> with the hordes of feral engines running loose in our cities, endangering
> our very lives.
>
> but at least, most of them are smaller than cows!
>
> i tell ya, Willoughby, there are strange things afoot these days ...
>
> unca joel
> :)
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