Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 10:33:45 -0500
Reply-To: Ryan Heidcamp <ryan.heidcamp@SPANLINK.COM>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Ryan Heidcamp <ryan.heidcamp@SPANLINK.COM>
Subject: Mars vs Venus: Changing the oil
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"
I didn't write it, but I edited it to fit the list.
>> > >OIL CHANGING INSTRUCTIONS
>> > >
>> > > WOMEN:
>> > >
>> > > 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the
last >> > > oil change.
>> > > 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
>> > > 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly >> > >
maintained vehicle.
>> > >
>> > > MEN:
>> > >
>> > > 1. Go to FLAPS and write a check for 50 dollars for >> > > oil,
filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented >> > >
tree.
>> > > 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
>> > > back to FLAPS to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
>> > > 3. Open a beer and drink it.
>> > > 4. Jack van up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>> > > 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>> > > 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>> > > 7. Place drain pan under engine.
>> > > 8. Look for metric box end wrench.
>> > > 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
>> > > 10. Unscrew drain plug.
>> > > 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
>> > > 12. Clean up.
>> > > 13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
>> > > 14. Look for oil filter wrench.
>> > > 15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it
>> > > off.
>> > > 16. Beer.
>> > > 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Decide to finish oil change
>> > > tomorrow.
>> > > 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath van.
>> > > 19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
>> > > 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
>> > > 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>> > > 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean
oil >> > > to gasket first.
>> > > 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>> > > 24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
>> > > 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>> > > 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
>> > > drains onto floor.
>> > > 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
>> > > 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
>> > > 29. Begin cussing fit.
>> > > 30. Throw wrench.
>> > > 31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
>> > > 1992.
>> > > 32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
>> > > 33. Beer.
>> > > 34. Beer.
>> > > 35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
>> > > 36. Beer.
>> > > 37. Lower van from jack stands.
>> > > 38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
>> > > 39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh
>> > > oil spilled during step 23.
>> > > 40. Drive van
>> > >
>> >
>> >
>
>
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