Date:         Fri, 14 Apr 2000 05:10:34 EDT
Reply-To:     Oxroad@AOL.COM
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Jeffrey R <Oxroad@AOL.COM>
Subject:      power, was bashing (no Vanagon)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"

A Plea For Civility for those who have gotten this far:

We all know the pen is mightier than the sword. If that is true then this
Internet community must be the equivalent of a nuclear reaction. That kind of
power needs to be handled responsibly.

While I am sure no one in this community sets out to insult and embarrass
others in this community that sometimes is unfortunately the result. And
because of the reach of the list those insults become global.

Unfortunately we are in a world that does very little business face to face
anymore. This means we all need to work harder at understanding the person on
the other end of the phone in a human being, and are entitled to be treated
fairly. And further that each member of this list, whether vendor or hobbyist
is also a person.

I am sure none of us wake up in the morning and think "Today I shall insult,
humiliate, and embarrass to the best of my ability." And certainly we would
not get to work and face to face insult, humiliate, and embarrass those we
work with. What kind of world would that be? Why would we want to live in it?

But without face to face contact the line between acceptable behavior and
unacceptable behavior can get blurred. We start to think of the voice on the
other end of the phone as at best a means to an end or even a nuisance or an
obstacle.

What I want to point out is that while the computer screen is an inanimate
object the listmembers it represents are not. We are, each of us,
individuals--yes even the vendors. And we each have a responsibility to
respect that.

In addition we have a responsibility as publishers. We each publish every
word we submit to the list and reach about 800 readers. This means our words
are in a public forum.

I'm sure in this most recent flare up of vendor flaming those who spoke out
about what they see as unpleasant experiences dealing with the Bus Depot
would not even think of renting a billboard to insult and embarrass Ron, they
would not get behind a bullhorn and scream public insults as he walked from
the grocery store, they would not hand out leaflets insulting him and his
business, because they would be bullies. And while it's not as easy to see
when we are writing from our homes onto this electronic screen it is very
easy to become an Internet bully.

Why a bully? Because a bully ultimately tries to humiliate. To tease one
publicly about a shortcoming is the behavior of a bully. I'm sure all of us
would resent getting pulled to the front of an auditorium full of coworkers
and friends and be told of our shortcomings. This would be humiliating. This
would be bullying. And it really serves little purpose except to make the
bully feel good about putting someone else down.

I could go on, but I think it is easy to see that mentioning a specific
vendor and then take it as far as to mention a specific employee in front of
800 people is bullying behavior. I should mention it's easy to see in
hindsight. My guess is those who spoke ill of Ron did not realize the power
they have as a member of the list.

For my money we should all refrain from blasting a vendor or a fellow listee
until such time as it becomes irresponsible not to let others know. That
meaning the normal methods of reconciliation of a problem cannot be solved
through a phone call or two or a letter. And we list members should be
alerted at the same time as the Better Business Bureau and of something
worthy of their time and ours. "I called and the guy was unhelpful," seems
like something that should be brought up privately with Ron or the particular
vendor. We have to ask ourselves a question before we send a negative post:
Do I need to talk to the vendor or do I need to TELL THE WORLD?

And, yes, the vendors in some way get free "advertising" in the same way we
all do. And VW gets free advertising on your grill. And Michelin gets free
advertising on your sidewalls. And Nike gets free advertising on your shoes.
But none of that excuses us from acting as decent respectful human beings.

And to address the issue of always posting bad experiences with a vendor--I'd
say sure, do that. But also post every positive interaction. In short post
every interaction. But do it on a newly created "Vanagon Commerce List". I'll
check it when I'm using a vendor for the first time. It works pretty well on
eBay--rating scale and all. In the meantime I'll use the vendors I've been
dealing with, Ron and Ken and yes, VWOA.

Since it was Ron who was hung in effigy here, lemme say "give the guy a
break." He's started a mom and pop on the edge of the 21st century. He's up
against giants--NAPA, VWOA  and the world, Pep Boys (there is no Manny, Mo,
or Jack) RS Strauss, and so on. And he offers discounts through the mail
while doing business over the phone. (have you ever had a job answering
phones? It's unnatural.) It's not your neighborhood parts store. They've been
forced out of business by the big chains and by us. This is the world we
created. I don't like it, but I'm just as guilty as you. Wal Mart has a lot
of stuff cheap. And I shop there. And I hate parts of myself for it. But you
and I created it and have let it blossom. It seems a bit unfair to blame Ron.

Yes, this is the 21st century. We can pay for gas at the pump. We can't talk
to the branch of the bank in our neighborhood only to the 800 number operator
at a computer terminal two states away. We can by our movie tickets and train
tickets from vending machines and over the Internet. We can pay
electronically at toll booths and toll clerks will soon be gone (no more toll
house cookies!). We don't even have to speak to operators on the phone "Press
one for problems, Press two for new orders, Press three for old orders, Press
three for two, Press two for one, Press..." We may never have to see another
human being ever. But until that time comes let's treat each other with
respect.

We drive Vanagons. We're not like them. Are we?

To all here I say congratulations on having the power of being a list member.
It is the kind of power unheard of in recorded history. Please use it wisely
and respectfully.

As far as changing the world: I work two jobs, I'm a little busy right now.
But I wish you'd do it.

Your Pal
Jeff
1983.5 Westy
NYC






But that does not excuse any of us from being gentleman and gentlewomen
whether we are making a call or answering one.