Date:         Fri, 19 May 2000 11:13:56 -0700
Reply-To:     Doktor Tim <doktortim@ROCKISLAND.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Doktor Tim <doktortim@ROCKISLAND.COM>
Subject:      "At The Showroom" (F)
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(At the dealer showroom, spring 1983)

Yuppys: "In a former life, my dadmombrokerfriend had a Mercedes with x
hundredthousandmillion miles on it. I got the bucks bigtime now 'cause my
banners are gettin' hits like Pete Rose. I did hear my dadmombrokerfriend
bitch all the time about where to put the sunglasses where they were handy,
wouldn't get dusty and wouldn't slide to the floor every time
hesheitmeaamigo drifted through a corner. Show me a Mercedes with a place
for the sunglasses like the new LyncxusCaddyWizbang has."

Salesmans: "Yes, indeed, my name is Georges. ALL our production models have
glove boxes. Were you thinking of an SL or an SEL?"

Yuppys: "No, you misunderstood me. I know they all got a place for the
gloves. I want a place for the sunglasses."

Salesmans: "????....?? There is room in our glove boxes for sunglasses as
well. (Whew!!) (This is not the first time Georges has heard about the
LyncxusCaddyWizbang sunglasses thing, Yuppys been tellin' him about it
since it hit the LyncxusCaddyWizbang showroom last week. This is just the
first time he thought of this answer which is better than the one he used
before that didn't work. And that's why he whewed. 'Cause the last answer
he gave didn't work and this one might cause he hasn't proved yet it won't
work. New problems require new trial and error to find what works.)

Yuppys: "But you can't reach it while your driving!!! "

Salesmans: "Our console has provision for such possibles and is within easy
reach."

Yuppys: "Yeh, I know, but if you leave them there for a few weeks they get
dusty and when I grab them the next time I want 'em I have to try to clean
'em while I'm driving. The 83 LyncxusCaddyWizbang has an integrated button
so's when you pushit, a little motor lifts a cover in the dash where
there's a place to hold the sunglasses."

Salesmans: "Indeed, I see your point. Less effort required. I know the
Neanderers in Germany are working on this ergonomics type stuff. Have a
look around the show room. I'll see what I can find out..... Jim!! Will you
help these people while I check on something?" (Jim is not his real name,
it's John's code name for "Keep these guys warm while I think of an answer.
Moneymeansnothing types and I'll share the commission with you.")

Johns: "Hello, I'm Jo..iiiim. Would you like to test drive one of the
sedans??" (Johns is an old hand, so old his mind ain't what it was before
the last heart attack.)

Yuppys: "Can I drive!!!?!!"

Johns: "Of course."

Yuppys: "I was tellin' Georges I had a dadmombrokerfriend that got over x
hundredthousandmillion miles out'a hisherit'smeamigo's Mercedes. They sure
are good cars. I heard they're workin' on a 12 cylinder? (Despite evidence
to the contrary, Yuppys do 'research'.)

Johns: "Here are the 450 SEL's. Copper Brown Metallic, Light Ivory or
Powder Blue?"

Yuppys: "Yagotta darkoliveonoxblood two tone in stock?" (I want to be
invisable on the road.)

Johns: "Grrrrrr@#$%^&*..eeeaat idea. We can order whatever you like."
(Works on anyone with or without colic. The real tightasses will let this
slide but will get backtoyou on necessity of some or all their money/power
demands. It won't come up again for those of more prudent diet.)

Yuppys: "(Dang, not in stock.) Ok, (see, I told you, now is more important
to most well constituted Yuppys.) let's take this one. (The darkest one
available. Just mitigating damages.)

(Back from the thrashing...er..test drive.)

Yuppys: "WOW, the LyncxusCaddyWizbang wouldn't do that, and 'it' had more
horsepower. Wadda ya think, honey?" (Yuppy doesn't notice Johns fell down
'cause he'e so impressed with what he did with the car. Toms, the sales
team coach, is keeping an eye on things with the binoculars from behind the
war room one way window glass.)

Honeys: (Color coming back and standing on their own, now.) "Yes, dear, I
think you should have what you want. You will be driving it most the time
anyway. (I'll take it when I need to impress the clique and he can use the
$4400 bicyle he just bought at the Porsche showroom on the way over here
from the LyncxusCaddyWizbang place.)

Johns: (Nitroglycerin kicking in.) "Yes, (inhale) this Mercedes will do
things (inhale) no other car (inhale) can." (caughgaghack...inhale) (I
didn't know it could do that either, and I hope to God I never see it do
that again with me in it.)

(Georges was on que and saw Johns sneek the nitro when he fell out of the
car. But you don't break in until qued and in the know. {ala Pacino to
Spacey in GlennGaryGlennRoss when he strongly suggested with words I can't
use here that silence can be a virtue}  Johns lifts his arm to que Georges,
feels a cramp and hopes Georges catches the intention as he goes for a
follow up pill. Georges indeed caught the que for the transfer and
approaches.)

Georges: "Well, was that not impressive?? Would you like to try another
model??

(Johns has the fortitude to stand again on his own without breathing and
goes into a fit of ques 'cause he can't scream NO, he's still working on
two full breathes in a row. He's an old pro who will give his life if
necessary for principle. Toms caught some of Johns ques (saw him fall out
of the car) and is familiar with his medical condition so comes to the
rescue in the most unhurried haste that won't blow anyones cover. As he is
helping Johns back to the showroom.......

Johns: (Inhale) "Have you ever seen (inhale) a 450 SEL (inhale) do a three
(inhale) sixty? (coughgaghack.....inhale)

Toms, (now back in the showroom): "Call 911!!!"

(Someone buzzes the shop and tells them to get the proper Porsche called
for and bring it around to the side door for the quickest possable trip to
the E-room for Johns. At the E-room...)

Paramedic: "What's, your name?.

Johns: (Inhale) "Jim." coughgaghack............inh..a....l...........

Paramedic: (THUMP...THUMP...THUMP) "CRASHCART, STATT!!!!!!!!"

(Back at the salespitc....rooom.)

Yuppys: "Yeah, I'm impressed. What did you find out about the airheadnomics
stuff?"

Georges: "Yes, indeed! The new 300E model will have a sunglasses case in
the dash added next year. It will have an integrated pushbutton and will
pop open at the push of a finger. Very elegant. It's right in the center
upper dash and has been Neanderered with your refined discrimination in
mind. With leather upholstered cover, of course." (The Cro-magno-marketers
at headquarters Germany finally got the Neandereers at the factory to put
it in there for to supplicate the wants of Yuppies and Sheks for
pushbuttons to get what they want with the least possible effort.)

Yuppys: "If I buy this one now, will you give me a good deal on trade in
next year?"

Georges: (BINGO) "Have I got a deal for you. Step into my office."

Yuppys: "Can I get the 300E in darkoliveonoxblood two tone?"

Georges: "Certainly, we can put the order in the que today if you can put
20% down. And we can wrap it all in todays purchase." (There might just be
one in a showroom in Kuwait, he don't have to say no unless he has proof
otherwise. He can look into it AFTER they sign.)

Meanwhile, at the factory in der Paterland............
(to be continued, and it's so
trajic--coughgaghack..cack..spituie..inhale--it's even funnyer.)

T.P. Stephens 2000
Permission to forward with reference given.
I want the most possible feedback on this one I can get.
doktortim@rockisland.com





T.P. Stephens
San Juan Island, WA