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Date:         Fri, 12 Jan 2001 20:12:55 -0500
Reply-To:     Hector Zapata <hector.zapata@XRXGSN.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Hector Zapata <hector.zapata@XRXGSN.COM>
Subject:      Only in America
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

<hector.zapata@xrxgsn.com> Date: Sunday, January 07, 2001 4:23 PM Subject: Only in America

> ONLY IN AMERICA - NOTHING IS FUNNIER THAN THE TRUTH. > > 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your > house faster than an ambulance. > > 2. Only in America......are there handicap > parking places in front of a skating rink. > > 3. Only in America......do drugstores make the > sick walk all the way to the back of the store to > get their prescriptions while healthy people can > buy cigarettes at the front. > > 4. Only in America......can a disabled combat veteran > sleep in a box on the street while a draft dodgers > sleeps in the white house. > > 5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors > open and then chain the pens to the counters. > > 6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth > thousands of dollars in the driveway and put > our useless junk in the garage. > > 7. Only in America......do we use answering > machines to screen calls, and then have call > waiting so we won't miss a call, from someone > we didn't want to talk to in the first place. > > 8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in > packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. > > 9. Only in America......do we use the word > 'politics' to describe the process so well: > 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' > meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. > > 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM > machines with Braille lettering. > > In case you needed further proof that the human > race is doomed through stupidity, here are some > actual label instructions on consumer goods: > > 1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". > [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair] > > 2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No > purchase necessary. Details inside". > [Evidently, the shoplifter special] > > 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like > regular soap." [And that would be how...?] > > 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving > suggestions:Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion] > > 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom > of box):"Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!] > > 6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will > be hot after heating". [As sure as night follows the > day ] > > 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes > on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?] > > 8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not > drive a car or operate machinery after taking =this > medication. [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of > construction accidents if we could just get those > 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.] > > 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" > [One would hope] > > 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor > or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?] > > 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used > for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious]. > > 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains > nuts".[NEWS FLASH] > > 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: > "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." > [Step 3: Fly Delta] > > 14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this > garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't > blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!] > > > > >_________________________________________________________________ >Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com > >


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