Date:         Sat, 27 Jan 2001 13:26:39 -0700
Reply-To:     John Klun <jklun@GJ.NET>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         John Klun <jklun@GJ.NET>
Subject:      [Fwd: [Fwd: 2000 DARWIN AWARDS]]
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Hey Vanagon (mandatory mention) Volks!

I know it's half to 3/4 past Friday, but I couldn't resist.

2000 DARWIN AWARDS

They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin
Award, it's an annual
honor given to the person who provided the human gene pool the biggest
service by getting
killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this
year has been keen.
Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
(Failed to qualify on the technicality that the perpetrator did not, in
fact, remove him/herself
from the gene pool.)

1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede with a
shot from his
22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit
pal Antonio Martinez
in the head, fracturing his skull.

2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement,
declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that
burned the first and
second floors of his house.

3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in September,
and his wife
Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in
their car. While driving
around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out
the window to see
what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was
closed.

 4. This from Tacoma, WA: Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several
friends when one
of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma
Narrows Bridge in
the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men
trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable
was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40
feet before the cable
tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his
fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said
Bingham, "is that God
was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for
it." Bingham's foot
was never located.

DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS UP
1. In September, in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after
squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car
keys.

2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned"
when he ran,
according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his
daily run.

3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved
in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for
fun, or protection from
the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the
outer banks, used
their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but
could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an
hour to free him
while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through
the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the
long flashlight he
had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the
floor.

5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death
in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that
a knife could not
penetrate the Flakvest Berrena was wearing.

6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, Del, as
he won a bet with
friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into
his mouth and pull
the trigger.

7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor,
33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken
they were playing with
their snowmobiles.

AND THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
1. PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs
and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly- and suffocated
the keeper under
200 pounds of poop! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a
dump truck full of
mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
Riesfeldt to the
ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to
evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police
detective
Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at
least an hour before
a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those
freak accidents that happen."