Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2001 02:01:52 -0500
Reply-To: Stan Wilder <wilden1@JUNO.COM>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Stan Wilder <wilden1@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: any flux capacitor conversions available?
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
There was a memo put out the employees at the General Dynamics plant in
Grand Prairie Texas about two years ago, I'm going to try to repeat as
best I remember what the memo said.
Recently the authorities discovered a large grey stain on a rock face of
,,, Mountain rock face. After further investigation it was discovered
that the stain was comprised of a 64 Chevrolet and the remaining parts of
the same vehicle.
Upon further investigation the authorities discovered that the owner of
the vehicle had recently attended a US Air force auction and purchased a
surplus JATO cartridge. His friends said the man that purchased the JATO
cartridge spent several weeks modifying the 64 Chevrolet to mount the
JATO cartridge as a means of propelling the car to around 200 miles an
hour.
Air force officials speculated that the Chevrolet weighed approximately
3500 pounds and the JATO cartridge provide boost in excess of 50,000
pounds. They further predicted that the Chevrolet became fully
uncontrolled at approximately 140 miles per hour and shortly afterwards
at about 235 miles per hour became fully airborne and crashed into the
800 foot rock face at the 500 foot altitude causing the grey stain on the
rocks.
Skid marks on the highway indicate that the vehicles driver tried to gain
control and reduce his speed repeatedly approximately five miles from the
impact point. It is estimated based on the thrust produced that the
vehicle was traveling in excess of 1000 miles per hour at the point of
impact on the rock face.
The vehicle owner or any remains of his body have never been found and it
has rained recently in the area causing the grey stain to rust and blend
in with the colors of the natural stone color of the rock face.
The wife of the deceased driver of the 64 Chevrolet said that her husband
had purchased two of the JATO capsules and the remaining cartridge had
been stolen from his barn.
If any person currently working for this facility has any information on
the location or the whereabouts of the missing JATO cartridge, please
come forward or drop a note in any of the suggestion boxes so we can
recover the JATO before another unfortunate accident occurs.
Now that is supposed to be a true story.
Stan Wilder
On Sun, 30 Sep 2001 01:11:10 -0400 Jason Gorfine <jgorfine@EARTHLINK.NET>
writes:
> all this time spent recently, in and around the wiring of my van,
> staring at
> gauges and wiring diagrams with symbols denoting the gauges i was
> just
> staring at...
>
> well it's gotten me to thinking- who needs a TDI conversion, a
> Porsche 911
> 3.2L conversion, an Audi 5-cylinder conversion? the next logical
> step is
> some sort of flux capacitor based conversion? why worry about
> taking your
> van over the mountain when you could just jump far enough forward in
> time to
> erode the Rockies into something more along the lines of the
> Appalachians?
> or better yet, turn the Appalachians into the rolling hills of
> Nebraska or
> some other state that i'm pretty sure is more or less flat.
>
> or perhaps some sort of system that creates a total vacuum just
> ahead of
> your respective trusty vans at, and even below, highway speeds? i
> imagine
> the drag coefficient (which i believe for the Vanagon is described
> as "akin
> to a building rolling down a hill") is non-issue when there's no air
> to
> measure it against. best of all, you'd probably leave a booming
> wave of
> continuous thunder in your wake. you'd be more than a match for the
> kids in
> the lowered Civics with the glass packs and/or "boomin' " systems
> (as i'm
> told they, the kids, like to call them).
> i imagine the threat of total suffocation to any passersby on
> crosswalks
> could be considered a drawback, or even a danger, but we're the ones
> sitting
> in the very front of our vehicles like little meat bumpers. a
> certain
> amount of shared risk would even the scales i think. it might even
> bring us
> closer together as a society (but not too close, or you'll suffocate
> -see
> above-).
>
> a friend of mine once took my speedometer out and placed number one
> stickers
> in front of the larger increment markers, but that only worked for a
> week.
> imagine my initial surprise/fear as i found there was nothing i could
> do to
> slow down enough in a school zone. the best i could do was 110mph.
> luckily, i thought, these new model kids they make now can move at
> nearly
> the same relative speed as good ole me and my AIRCOOLED van. then
> later
> that day one of the one stickers fell off as i pulled into my work
> parking
> lot (at a blistering 125mph, in second gear!). my dream world was
> shattered, and my van was again slow.
>
> did i mention that while routing the final section of my spiffy new
> bright
> yellow 16 Gauge tachometer wire from the stern to the bow that i
> found,
> attached to my wiring harness with two plastic pull-ties, a
> ten-or-so-year-old pack of Cherry Lifesavers?
>
> no joke. it changed my whole day.
>
> was this an option on the 1982 Vanagon L Westfalia?
> the base models probably came with Butterscotch Lifesavers (yuch!),
> and the
> GLs with real Scotch.
>
> i've elected to leave them in place, since for all i know, they
> could be
> essential to my van's rather ridiculously dependable performance
> over the
> years.
>
> if anyone else has suggestions in regards to Vanagon performance
> upgrades,
> please, let the world, or just us, know.
> thanks,
> jason
>
> i'd also appreciate any theories you may have as to how those
> Lifesavers got
> where they got.
>
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