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Date:         Fri, 12 Oct 2001 13:30:53 -0500
Reply-To:     Chris Stann <ChrisS@INFORMS.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Chris Stann <ChrisS@INFORMS.COM>
Subject:      Re: Deer Strike, Stories anyone??
Comments: To: Donald Baxter <onanov@MINDSPRING.COM>
In-Reply-To:  <000001c15348$0568f5c0$c46c0f18@iowact1.ia.home.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="Windows-1252"

I've never struck any dear with my Westy, but I have killed a few. Let me clarify: the deer never have a chance to get even close. I have mounted four, count'em 4, as in four, buck-shot-laden 12-gauge rifles with extended magazines and remote-trigger in the front luggage area above the roof. I have four holes neatly cut with electro magnetically actuated doors in the front-facing side of the compartment. I have staggered the blast patterns so that any thing within a the 50-yard reach of my 'guns' gets hit at least once. I also have four 'Blazer' type 150-watt off-road lights mounted on my front bumper to aid 'deer-spotting'.

My 'deer-avoiding' technique, usually done at night, is as follows: 1. Spot a hapless bambi grazing at the side of the interstate. 3. Turn on my off-road light aka 'Bambi-magnets'. This instantly freezes bambi, or bambis in some cases, in their tracts. 4. Swerve toward the beasts. 5. Actuate my firing mechanism thusly letting off salvos of 4 guns. Keep steering towards the heard, with guns blazing, until one, or several, get hit. 5. Let off a primal scream. One a lot like our ancestors surely must have used when clubbing a native Grizzly to death. Or at least like the one when my hand slips off my wrench while trying to unscrew that damned rusty exhaust nut. 5. Engage the diff-lock as I have to follow the bleeding bastards into the wild yonder. 6. Once magazines are empty and their collective 60 shells are spent I disengage the firing mechanism. By now I should have located at least one, if not several, dead deer. 7. Disembowel and load venison into Westy. 8. Skip the ranger station for what they don't know won't hurt them. After all, it's just 'road-kill' in the truest sense!

Above setup also handy in dispatching road-raged SUVs and hysteric teenagers in their Camaro Z-28s. Also the recoil from the guns is useful alternative to the reverse gear.

Thanks for your time,

Chris '85 Westy 'Road Kill Rudi'


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