Date: Fri, 9 Nov 2001 13:48:43 EST
Reply-To: BenTbtstr8@AOL.COM
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Ben T <BenTbtstr8@AOL.COM>
Subject: Re: Stupid Sexist Friday Quasi-Humor.
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"
In a message dated 11/9/01 4:47:15 AM Pacific Standard Time,
Gnarlodious@EARTHLINK.NET writes:
<< Oil Change sequence for Men:
1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter,
kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.>>
No, real men don;t write checks. I keep my wad of ones and quarters in my
jeans pocket.
<< 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back
to FLAPS to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.>>
Wrong again. We save it for use as hair gel. Saves money that way and the
odor drives diesel driving women wild.
<< 3) Open a beverage and drink it. >>
No. I like half of it in my lap.
<< 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. >>
Never use them. That's why I have an extra Bug. I feel most safe under it.
<< 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.>>
Actually that was MY pedal car. See above -- no jackstands.
<< 6) In frustration, open another beverage and drink it. >>
Sorry can't do it. Using Diet Coke cans as jack stands in the other side.
<< 7) Place drain pan under engine. >>
Nope -- use empty Coke cans.
<< 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.>>
Nah, I always use a hammer and a chisel. Works best.
<< 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.>>
Ahhhhh yes. a free hot oil salon treatment. Feels great to slick my hair back
withthe stuff.
<< 12) Clean up mess. >>
Duh? Hello??? That's the girlie thing to do. Just call me pigpen Miller.
<< 13) Have another beverage while watching oil drain.>>
Must try to subtitute the empty can filled with used oil to one for the ones
being used as jackstands in the other side. Must switch cans very quickly.
<< 14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.>>
First one you got right. I never look for the wrench cuz I dolt have one. I
just use a big pry bar or a big schooldriver. (Or was that stooldriver?)
<< 16) Beverage.>>
See above.
<< 17) Buddy shows up. Finish oil change tomorrow. >>
Nahh. GF shows up screaming about the mess. Hose me down with the garden hose
to my delight.
<< 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.>>
Nope skip those. Don't need kitty litter since I just use natural materials.
The porous dirt under the car was just perfect. Plus the resulting oil mud
slurry is great for bikini cald girl mud wrestling.
<< 20) Beverage. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beverage.>>
Not thirsty rght now. Mistook can of used oil for a fresh can of Pepsi.
<< 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket
surface.>>
I believe in saving the environment. I swish gasoline in my old oil filter
then I dump it inmy neighbor's backyard but I mayke sure I don't get any on
his plants. Save the planet and recycle.
<< 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.>>
Nope Use GF's panty hose to strain the old oil. Remember to recycle. Save
some for hair.
<< 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. >>
Nah, just use spark plug.
<< 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along
with drain plug.>>
Good argument for my recycle method.
<< 27) Drink beverage.>>
See answer to 20, 21.
<< 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beverage.>>
Skip skip answered before.
<< 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin fit.
34) Throw wrench.>>
Not necessary. I just finger tight spark plug with Trident chewing gum as
gasket.
<< 35) Curse for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December>>
Nah, I was cursing cuz I just found out she wasn't wearing a thong.
<< 36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
flow.>>
Mixture of dirt and oil are perfect for this.
<< 37) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.>>
Don't; be wasteful. Recycle old oil. Besdies it looks just like Mobil 1.
<< 38) Lower car from jack stands.
39) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.>>
Yeah those damend Pepsi can just aren't made like they used to be.
<< 40) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
step 23.>>
See answer to 19.
<< 41) Test drive car.
42) Get in car accident. >>
No, I'm not a girl.
<< 43) Car gets impounded.
44) Get car from impound yard. >>
Buy a second car from impound yard auction while you're there.
Rachel's Neighbor
Terry K. Jr.
aka Mike Miller. Jr.
and never BenT
