Vanagon EuroVan
Previous messageNext messagePrevious in topicNext in topicPrevious by same authorNext by same authorPrevious page (November 2001, week 2)Back to main VANAGON pageJoin or leave VANAGON (or change settings)ReplyPost a new messageSearchProportional fontNon-proportional font
Date:         Fri, 9 Nov 2001 13:48:43 EST
Reply-To:     BenTbtstr8@AOL.COM
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Ben T <BenTbtstr8@AOL.COM>
Subject:      Re: Stupid Sexist Friday Quasi-Humor.
Comments: To: Gnarlodious@earthlink.net
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"

In a message dated 11/9/01 4:47:15 AM Pacific Standard Time, Gnarlodious@EARTHLINK.NET writes:

<< Oil Change sequence for Men: 1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.>>

No, real men don;t write checks. I keep my wad of ones and quarters in my jeans pocket.

<< 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to FLAPS to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.>>

Wrong again. We save it for use as hair gel. Saves money that way and the odor drives diesel driving women wild.

<< 3) Open a beverage and drink it. >>

No. I like half of it in my lap.

<< 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. >>

Never use them. That's why I have an extra Bug. I feel most safe under it.

<< 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.>>

Actually that was MY pedal car. See above -- no jackstands.

<< 6) In frustration, open another beverage and drink it. >>

Sorry can't do it. Using Diet Coke cans as jack stands in the other side.

<< 7) Place drain pan under engine. >>

Nope -- use empty Coke cans.

<< 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug.>>

Nah, I always use a hammer and a chisel. Works best.

<< 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.>>

Ahhhhh yes. a free hot oil salon treatment. Feels great to slick my hair back withthe stuff. << 12) Clean up mess. >>

Duh? Hello??? That's the girlie thing to do. Just call me pigpen Miller.

<< 13) Have another beverage while watching oil drain.>>

Must try to subtitute the empty can filled with used oil to one for the ones being used as jackstands in the other side. Must switch cans very quickly.

<< 14) Look for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.>>

First one you got right. I never look for the wrench cuz I dolt have one. I just use a big pry bar or a big schooldriver. (Or was that stooldriver?)

<< 16) Beverage.>>

See above.

<< 17) Buddy shows up. Finish oil change tomorrow. >>

Nahh. GF shows up screaming about the mess. Hose me down with the garden hose to my delight.

<< 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.>>

Nope skip those. Don't need kitty litter since I just use natural materials. The porous dirt under the car was just perfect. Plus the resulting oil mud slurry is great for bikini cald girl mud wrestling.

<< 20) Beverage. No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beverage.>>

Not thirsty rght now. Mistook can of used oil for a fresh can of Pepsi.

<< 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.>>

I believe in saving the environment. I swish gasoline in my old oil filter then I dump it inmy neighbor's backyard but I mayke sure I don't get any on his plants. Save the planet and recycle.

<< 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.>>

Nope Use GF's panty hose to strain the old oil. Remember to recycle. Save some for hair.

<< 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. >>

Nah, just use spark plug.

<< 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.>>

Good argument for my recycle method.

<< 27) Drink beverage.>>

See answer to 20, 21.

<< 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. 30) Drink beverage.>>

Skip skip answered before.

<< 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin fit. 34) Throw wrench.>>

Not necessary. I just finger tight spark plug with Trident chewing gum as gasket.

<< 35) Curse for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December>>

Nah, I was cursing cuz I just found out she wasn't wearing a thong.

<< 36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.>>

Mixture of dirt and oil are perfect for this.

<< 37) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.>>

Don't; be wasteful. Recycle old oil. Besdies it looks just like Mobil 1.

<< 38) Lower car from jack stands. 39) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.>>

Yeah those damend Pepsi can just aren't made like they used to be.

<< 40) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.>>

See answer to 19.

<< 41) Test drive car. 42) Get in car accident. >>

No, I'm not a girl.

<< 43) Car gets impounded. 44) Get car from impound yard. >>

Buy a second car from impound yard auction while you're there.

Rachel's Neighbor Terry K. Jr. aka Mike Miller. Jr. and never BenT


Back to: Top of message | Previous page | Main VANAGON page

Please note - During the past 17 years of operation, several gigabytes of Vanagon mail messages have been archived. Searching the entire collection will take up to five minutes to complete. Please be patient!


Return to the archives @ gerry.vanagon.com


The vanagon mailing list archives are copyright (c) 1994-2011, and may not be reproduced without the express written permission of the list administrators. Posting messages to this mailing list grants a license to the mailing list administrators to reproduce the message in a compilation, either printed or electronic. All compilations will be not-for-profit, with any excess proceeds going to the Vanagon mailing list.

Any profits from list compilations go exclusively towards the management and operation of the Vanagon mailing list and vanagon mailing list web site.