Date: Fri, 23 Nov 2001 16:22:48 -0600
Reply-To: Stan Wilder <wilden1@JUNO.COM>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Stan Wilder <wilden1@JUNO.COM>
Subject: Re: Friday Humour
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
The Made In China car has rolled edges on the panel squeezed down with a
pair of pliers, the inside of the panel clearly indicates that the metal
was previously a Coors can.
The Made in Mexico car has clips that are stainless steel, made from
recycled Razor Ribbon. Be very careful removing them.
The Made in Japan car has a totally unique plastic cover that is held in
place with no fasteners.... it has to just be burped like Tupper Ware for
easy removal, but it is a one time use since it only contains one burp.
We're going to skip India, Pakistan and the Arab nations because we all
know this panel would be made from Camel or Livestock Dung and scented,
although burning the whole vehicle might not be such a bad idea if it
were produced any of these locations.
Stan Wilder
On Fri, 23 Nov 2001 16:29:55 -0500 George Jannini <georgejoann@JUNO.COM>
writes:
> A DIFFERENCE IN PHILOSOPHY
>
> Each car maker on the planet has a different philosophy about How a
> Car Should Be Put Together. Let's take a single case...
>
> Let us say there is a single hypothetical panel in a hypothetical
> car. As a baseline, a totally unbiased (and therefore, Martian)
> engineer examines this cover and determines that it should be held
> in
> place with five Phillips head (cross head) screws.
>
> JAPAN: The Japanese would hold it down with exactly five .05c
> screws.
> Boring, reliable, soulless, exactly what is needed.
>
> UNITED STATES: For a long time, a US car's panel would be held on
> with three screws. This has changed, and now not only does it have
> five screws, all floor workers must have a communal decision as to
> how many screws it needs, and have the ability to stop the line
> entirely should a single screw be a funny color.
>
> GREAT BRITIAN: As with the US, previously this car's panel would be
> held on with three screws. Additionally, these screws would be
> flathead style and made of Britishinium Metal, a mysterious alloy
> that can rust sitting under six inches of oil. Nowadays all the car
> companies have been sold to the US or Germany, so see those
> entries.
>
> FRANCE: Only Americans would be so obnoxious as to think how a
> panel
> is held on is important. Unions and employee pride are of far more
> concern. Please come with us to strike for ten more weeks paid
> vacation.
>
> GERMANY: Every panel on every car is held on with precisely ten
> aircraft grade titanium/tungsten alloy nuts and bolts torqued to
> precisely 15.402 lbs-ft. Replacements are sold only in sets of 20,
> and typically cost $350US. A German mechanic will explain to you,
> in
> graphic detail, exactly what would happen should you use a "lower
> quality" nut or bolt.
>
> RUSSIA: Owing to parts shortages, each panel is welded in place.
> A cutter costs 8,000,000,000,000,000 rubles (about $12.15 US), and
> the official wait is approximately 28 months. However, a stranger
> named "Igor" will sell you a cutter right away for $40 US (cash
> only). You notice PROPERTY OF SOVIET ARMY scratched out on the
> side.
>
> ITALY (Goes Fast approach): The Italian is somewhat
> different. If the panel has something to do with making the car Go
> Fast, it will be just like Germany's entry, with the addition that
> every bolt head will have a beautiful logo cast into it.
>
> ITALY (Everything Else): The Italian panel has no screws at all.
> Rather, it is held in with a very clever arrangement of grommets,
> snap rings, and C-clips so that it seems to be Part of the Car.
> However, due to lack of testing, the rubber in the grommets rots in
> a
> few years, and since the panel can only be removed with special
> tool
> AR001.2399943.011034444.2.1.1, the rubber is hardly ever replaced
> and
> so tends to rattle. Enthusiasts of this car will have endless
> debates
> on the value of this panel, some will remove it, some will maintain
> it religiously, and at least one author will write a book telling
> you
> how to make a tool that will work out of a '73 GMC lug wrench.
>
> SWEDEN: The panel in a Swedish car is held on with 25 screws.
> Curiously, one has to put the car in reverse in order to remove it.
>
> George/ATL
> '89 Westy Wernher
> ________________________________________________________________
> GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
> Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less!
> Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit:
> http://dl.www.juno.com/get/web/.
>
| 
