Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 12:46:51 -0400
Reply-To: Malcolm Stebbins <MSTEBBIN@MSVU1.MSVU.CA>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Malcolm Stebbins <MSTEBBIN@MSVU1.MSVU.CA>
Organization: Mount Saint Vincent University
Subject: Punny Stuff - Friday fun -no Vanagon content
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Times New Roman" size=3><span
style="font-size:12pt">These get better as they go: </span></font></div>
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<div align="center"><font face="Times New Roman" size=4><span style="font-size:16pt"><u>Punny Stuff</u></span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying
two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at
them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one
carrion allowed per passenger."</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">2. Two boll weevils grew up in West Virginia. One
went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much. The second one,
naturally, became known as the lesser of two
weevils.</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but
when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving
once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it, too.</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old
West. He slides up to the bar and announces:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." </span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to
transcend dental medication.</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a
hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked,
as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt
and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a
family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years
later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture
of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">8. These friars were behind on their belfry
payments, so they opened up a small florist shop
to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they
would not. He went back and begged the friars to
close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired
Hugh Taggart, the roughest and most vicious
thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying
he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh,
and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot
most of the time, which produced an impressive
set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad breath. This made him
....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A
super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.</span></font></div>
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<div align="left" style="margin-left=6mm; margin-right=0mm; text-indent=-6mm"><font face="Arial" size=3><span
style="font-size:13pt">10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten
different puns to friends, with the hope that at
least one of the puns would make them laugh.
Unfortunately, no pun.... in ten did. </span></font></div>
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