Date:         Wed, 30 Jan 2002 11:19:06 -0800
Reply-To:     Al Knoll <al_knoll@PACBELL.NET>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Al Knoll <al_knoll@PACBELL.NET>
Subject:      Re: Camping out Veggy style. Any vegetarians on this list?
In-Reply-To:  <0GQQ00FPC3LHTW@mta3.snfc21.pbi.net>
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"if it's in the machine, I eat it.  If it's not in the machine I don't eat
it"

You volks don't know beans about being a vegeterriorist.  How are you going
to kill and skin a tofudebeest in the wild?  Hit him with a vegieburger?
Ever try to find extra virgin olive oil in the back of beyond?  They don't
even have enough virgins to go around much less any extras, since the high
demand brought on by various militant activities.  For the sabateurs alone
it's around 1300 virgins, no wonder the olive oil is in short supply.  AND I
have it on good authority from the Sheik of Spinach that Olive Oyl no longer
qualifies.

So you're stuck, bunkie.  You gotta do what a MAN's gotta do.  Eat what the
ancients ate.  Beans!  White beans, black beans, red beans, anasazi beans,
lima beans, ceci beans, great northern beans, genuwine frijoles, pinto
beans, holstein beans, fava beans...you get the idea.

So how to do the beans.  Well, unless you're snitchin' 'em, they're most
likely dried.  Ever try to chomp down on a dried bean.  Even the most devout
might be tempted by a spam musubi after trying to ingest dried beans orally.
Yeah, mike I know, you snort 'em.  But I digress.

Long ago in a galaxy far away where beans ruled, a feller thought about a
hot lunch and put a few beans in the boiler of his Spagthorpe Whippet an
early precursor to the Vanagon line.  On the way to his destination, the
cooked beans clogged up the pressure relief valve and he became the first of
his kind to qualify for the Darwin award.  After the demise of the
Spagthorpe, a clever NTSC investigator noticed the nicely cooked beans
scattered hither and yon and tried one.  Yeech, cold beans, no salt!  But he
got to thinkin'...

His name was Mohammar Presto and he founded the National Company that bore
his name.  Soon those far and wide would use his product to cook beans
Presto!  The weary travellers had no time to leaven the bread much less soak
the beans for hours at a time in the goat stomach with the cheese so they
embraced the culture and got a lot on their garments.  Then Lot said, Salt!
that's what we need with the beans.  Hey, honey, Hey! don't look back! Damn,
well anyway we got salt, and they travelled on.

After the rowdies discovered the charm of beans, their potency was
advertised far and wide under the guise of a comedic farce called Blazing
Camel Saddles...the rest is history.

Now the modern nomads keep one of Mohammar's utilitarian devices under the
cabinet ready for ad hoc cuisine on the road.   But, much like the private
aircraft industry, many of the former manufacturers of these fine implements
have gone by the wayside.  The discerning buyer can however find one on
occasion in "experienced devices" section of second hand stores.

Mirro-matic, Presto, National, all work equally well.  Older Prestos have
easily removable handles so they fit well under the seat (RVC) or in the
cabinet.  The tops seal quite well and you can re-constitute your Woompies
whilst you mosey around the countryside.

Oh, yeah, these are pressure cookers.  Like your granny used to use.  Fuel
efficient, handy, multipurpose, cooking pots.  Tasty beans, salted after
cooking, ready in 15 minutes.  Beets, ready in 10 minutes.  Split peas,
lickety split (careful, Ben, you could get in trouble here).  Add canned
green chilis, oregano, cumin and a meal fit for a true adventurer awaits.
Serve with brown rice (7 minutes).  The "balanced" protein meal.  No
remnants of disemboweled tofudebeests to deal with.  No ersatz burger
wannabes.  Tatties and bashed neeps are a snap.

Add a comal to your set and tortillas de harina are made whilst you listen
to the jiggler.

Modern science has given us Beano (tm) to make the humble bean more socially
acceptable.  Gets rid of the 'poofies' in advance.  Without it, one could
succumb to a triple flutter blast in public or be accused of trying to blow
up the bus by one's traveling companions.

The real question does the temperature and pressure in the pressure cooker
vary with altitude.  Can you do beans the same at Badwater ~-200ASL as you
can at Mahogany flats +8000ASL?  It is left as an exercise for the reader to
determine the substantive answer.

The universal gas law regarding flatulence in holy places was based on the
diet provided by these magical devices.  Remember, fizzix never sleeps,
flatulence never relents , knuckles bleed before brakes, and the bean goes
on.

pensioner