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Date:         Tue, 12 Feb 2002 12:15:58 -0800
Reply-To:     Tobin Copley <tobin.copley@UBC.CA>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Tobin Copley <tobin.copley@UBC.CA>
Subject:      Vanagon Olympics [was: Robbed !]
Comments: To: Al Knoll <al_knoll@PACBELL.NET>
In-Reply-To:  <000001c1b394$b7dc89e0$14a6fea9@pacbell.net>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" ; format="flowed"

At 11:13 PM -0800 2/11/02, Al Knoll wrote: >If you have to keep score it's a game. > >If you need a judge it's a pastime. > >If you need several judges it's a sham. > >The only real sports are motor racing, bull fighting and extreme skiing, all >the others are mere games, or worse.

Indeed! Let's start the Ist Vanagon Olympiad. Since the Olympics are such an enormous corporate cash cow, we should easily be able to get massive Corp. sponsorship--enough for Vanagon calendars for everybody!

The Opening ceremonies would have hundreds of rusty dented Vanagons from all over the world filing into a huge stadium. The track would soon be slick with leaky oil and spilt antifreeze. The American vanagons would be so plastered with American flag bumper stickers they wouldn't need to carry a separate flag. The climax of the ceremony would be the lighting of the Olympic flame, in which a screaming young man would run into the stadium on fire because he spilled gasoline on his hot trouble lamp while replacing a rusty gas tank. He would run up a long flight of stairs and jump into a Vanagon high up on a pedestal--it would instantly burst into flames when a shorting starter circuit ignites the leaky high-pressure fuel lines. Very moving.

Over the next week, events would include:

Breaker bar competition: ------------------------ Removing the big rear wheel nut using an 18" breaker bar (women's competition uses a 24" breaker bar).

Vanagon push-start competition: ------------------------------- A two person team must push start a fully laden syncro Westfalia on a 100m track. In the final medal competition, this is done uphill on a 2% incline.

Stalled Vanagon Super-G slalom: ------------------------------- A fully laden Syncro Westfalia idles at the start gate until, at the start signal, the coil wire is pulled. A two person team pushes the Vanagon off the start platform to a running start, then hops in and pilots the Vanagon down a steep and twisty 3 km roadway without power steering or power brakes. The passenger is in charge of the hand brake.

Stalled Vanagon Skeleton "luge": ------------------------------- Using the same course and configuration as the Super-G above, only the engine is placed in neutral and the shift linkage uncoupled.

Transmission bench press: ------------------------- Removing the transmission from the car single-handedly without the aid of a floor jack. A bent input shaft results in disqualification.

Diesel crankshaft bolt removal: ------------------------------- Remove a stuck crankshaft bolt from a Vanagon diesel engine with the engine still in the car. Only standard hand tools permitted (Lower category may permit removal of oil pan and use of a 2x4 with a time handicap).

Air-cooled pushrod tube removal and reinstallation: --------------------------------------------------- No tools other than those used to remove valve covers and rocker arm assembly permitted. Points lost for denting the tubes. Covert use of duct-tape wrapping on tubes results in instant disqualification.

I know there are other competitions, only I can't remember them all now. If anyone else can think of any I've forgotten, please chime in!

T.

------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tobin Copley Bowen Island, BC, Canada 49deg 23'N-123deg 19'W

'82 Westfalia 1.6L NA diesel ("Stinky") '97 son Russell ============= '99 daughter Margaret /_| |_L| |__|:| clatter SPEED KILLS! {. .| clatter! Drive a Vanagon diesel ~-()-==----()-~


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