Vanagon EuroVan
Previous messageNext messagePrevious in topicNext in topicPrevious by same authorNext by same authorPrevious page (May 2002, week 1)Back to main VANAGON pageJoin or leave VANAGON (or change settings)ReplyPost a new messageSearchProportional fontNon-proportional font
Date:         Sat, 4 May 2002 08:13:07 -0400
Reply-To:     "John P. Flaherty" <jflahert@MAINE.RR.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         "John P. Flaherty" <jflahert@MAINE.RR.COM>
Subject:      Re: Clam Flogging!! at the Court House, Tomorrow Night (long-ish)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

It's threads like this that keep me on this list.

Not sure what that says about me.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to pull up my waders, grab a hoe and head to the flats in search of virgins.

John flaherty Portland, Maine '84 GL

----- Original Message ----- From: "Joel Walker" <jwalker17@EARTHLINK.NET> To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM> Sent: Friday, May 03, 2002 10:33 PM Subject: Re: Clam Flogging!! at the Court House, Tomorrow Night (long-ish)

> > > Hope those clams are virgins! > > > > > > (Would that be cherry clams????) > > > > If they're virgins, can we flog them!?!?! > > boy, thar be some really sick people on this list!!! > > i mean, think about it: flogging clams!!!?? you ever try to flog a > clam? or even an oyster? > how about a turtle ... it's just a clam with legs, fer crying out loud > ... but the point is, all these little jobbers had HARD SHELLS!!! not > exactly the perfect target of flogging!! > > nooooooo, flogging is for softshelled thingies like peoples, horses, > dogs, cats, mules, oxens, cows, and the occasional watermelons or, in > a pinch, cantaloupes. > > the idea of flogging is to ... > > (a) inflict pain > > (b) induce the floggee to never even want to think about the > activities/actions/words that have brought him/her/it to this sorry > state of affairs. unless, of course, said floggee borders on the > masochistic side of crazy and just loves being flogged. in that case, > you're better off just burning them at the stake ... saves time and > money. > > (c) get the flogger worked up into a veritable state of frenzey and > acute sexual excitement, culminating in a complete collapse of all > social restraints and responsibilities ... now THIS is what people > will pay to see. nothing like some father-raper or mother-stabber, > frothing at the mouth with carnal lust and depraved indifference to > bodily functions, whupping away to beat the > band/person/horse/dog/cat/mule/ox/cow/watermelon. i mean, there's > money to be made here, folks ... > > (d) satisfy the perceived need of society to punish persons adjudged > as wrong-doers. as we all know, societies of all sizes just LOVE to > point fingers and signify some person or group as a wrong-doer ... an > outcast of society. even ancient biologists and anthropologists have > determined that to be the only reason humans are born with five > fingers: more to point at wrong-doers. to pick up stuff, we only need > three fingers. fer baseball and football, we only need four. but for > the designation of wrong-doers, it's hard to beat them five fingers. > :) > > and now i ask you: > > (a) - what pain do you think a clam is gonna feel? zero. nada. zilch. > i mean, first of all, it's got a hard shell. second of all, it's > hasn't got much of a brain ... anybody ever SEE a clam brain? makes a > B-B look gigantic!! > > (b) - ever know a clam to feel bad about anything? ever know a clam to > DO anything worth feeling bad about? > > (c) - ok, so the flogger could still get worked up about his job ... > but the fellows in the white coats are gonna be looking REALLY closely > at him. i mean, just imagine you walked up on some fellow on the > beach, just flogging away at a clam or even a bucket of clams; what > would YOU think?? > > (d) - kinda doubt that society really cares much about pointing > fingers at clams. eating them, maybe, but how many laws do you know > what punishes clams for anything? when's the last time you ever heard > of any clams being arrested? > > so, based on the evidence presented heretofore, i think we can all > assume that flogging clams is a total waste of time and bandwidth. and > is likely to get you locked away somewhere in a room with a lot of > people that you really do NOT want to know about. unless you happen to > be someone who likes flogging clams ... in that case, they'll likely > put you in a room all to yourself; in a nice white padded jacket. with > looooooooong arms. that fasten in the rear. > > > see them clam-floggers, ain't they a peach? > flogging them clamshells, up and down the beach; > how to be a clam-flogger, ain't nothing to it ... > get yourself a whip and clam and flog it, flog it, flog it! > > then there's the really sick ones ... > > the frog floggers (say that fast, three times in a row) > the log floggers (perverts of the "I'm a Lumberjack" ilk) > the fog floggers (weathermen gone amuck) > the bog floggers (cranberry pickers deeply disturbed) > the cog floggers (engineers that slipped a gear or two) > the dog floggers (canine cavorting, strictly forbidden by the ASPCA > and AKC) > the hog floggers (perversion, southern style) > the jog floggers (not a real perversion: just fat people who haven't > sense enough not to jog in public) > > but there's no sense in going into all those right now. > > happy Fryedaye, Ffolkes. :) > unca joel >


Back to: Top of message | Previous page | Main VANAGON page

Please note - During the past 17 years of operation, several gigabytes of Vanagon mail messages have been archived. Searching the entire collection will take up to five minutes to complete. Please be patient!


Return to the archives @ gerry.vanagon.com


The vanagon mailing list archives are copyright (c) 1994-2011, and may not be reproduced without the express written permission of the list administrators. Posting messages to this mailing list grants a license to the mailing list administrators to reproduce the message in a compilation, either printed or electronic. All compilations will be not-for-profit, with any excess proceeds going to the Vanagon mailing list.

Any profits from list compilations go exclusively towards the management and operation of the Vanagon mailing list and vanagon mailing list web site.