Date: Sun, 9 Feb 2003 19:36:50 -0700
Reply-To: Ben McCafferty <ben@VOLKSCAFE.COM>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Ben McCafferty <ben@VOLKSCAFE.COM>
Subject: NVC: Audi poster, was: Re: [Syncro] Glossary of Tool Functions
In-Reply-To: <0a1a01c2d025$7f3d8220$0300a8c0@hawaii.rr.com>
Content-type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII"
Mick, this reminds me: does anyone remember the old poster "Specialty Audi
Fasteners" or something along those lines? It had depictions of about 20 or
so specialty bolts employed for various tasks on Audis. It was hilarious,
and I'd love to find a copy if anyone has a lead.
tx,
bmc :)
Ben McCafferty
ben@volkscafe.com
Volks Cafe
1823 Soquel Avenue
Santa Cruz, CA 95062
831-426-1244
http://volkscafe.com
> From: "Mick Kalber" <redhotlava@hawaii.rr.com>
> Date: Sun, 9 Feb 2003 00:24:52 -1000
> To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM>
> Cc: <syncro@yahoogroups.com>
> Subject: [Syncro] Glossary of Tool Functions
>
> sorry, I know it's not friday, but I needed to send these to the list. I
> know some of you can relate...
>
> HAMMER:
> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is used as a kind
> of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are
> trying to hit.
>
> ELECTRIC DRILL:
> Normally used for spinning rivets in their holes until you die of old
> age, but it also works well for drilling mounting holes just above a fuel
> line.
>
> PLIERS:
> Used to round off bolt heads.
>
> HACKSAW:
> One of a family of cutting tools based on the chaos principle. It
> transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
> more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
> becomes.
>
> VISE-GRIPS:
> Used to round off bolt heads if nothing else is available, they can
> also be
> used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your
> garage on fire.
>
> WHITWORTH (Metric) SOCKETS:
> Once used for working on older British vehicles, they are now used
> mainly
> for impersonating that 9/16-inch or 1/2-inch socket for which you've
> been
> searching the last 15 minutes.
>
> DRILL PRESS:
> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
> stock
> out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
> drink
> across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you
> were drying.
>
> WIRE WHEEL:
> Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws the bolt somewhere under the
>
> workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and
>
> hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,
> "Ouch!"
>
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
> Used for lowering a vehicle to the ground after you have installed
> your new tires, trapping the jack handle firmly under the wheel.
>
> EIGHT-FOOT-LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2x4:
> Used for levering vehicle upward off a hydraulic jack.
>
> TWEEZERS:
> A tool for removing wood splinters.
>
> TELEPHONE:
> Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
> floor jack.
>
> TROUBLE LIGHT:
> The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called drop light, it is a
>
> good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise
> found in garages at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to
> consume 60-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer
> shells
> might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.
> More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
>
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
> Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and
> splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to
> round out Phillips screw heads.
>
> AIR COMPRESSOR:
> A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200
>
> miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a
> pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years
>
> ago, and rounds them off.
>
> PRY BAR:
> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket you
> needed to remove in order to replace a 50-cent part.
>
> HOSE CUTTER:
> A tool used to cut hoses 1/2-inch too short.
>
>
> Mick Kalber
> Tropical Visions Video, Inc.
> 62 Halaulani Place
> Hilo, Hawaii 96720
> 808-935-5557
> 808-935-0066 (fax)
> redhotlava@hawaii.rr.com
> http://www.volcanoscapes.com/
>
>
>
>
>
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