Date: Fri, 19 Dec 2003 20:56:18 -0800
Reply-To: developtrust <developtrust@COX.NET>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: developtrust <developtrust@COX.NET>
Subject: Friday funies to offend everyone
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>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
>PART I
>
>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
>
>Juan on Juan.
> ***************
>What is a Yankee?
>
>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
> **************
>Why is divorce so expensive?
>
>Because it's worth it.
> **************
>What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
>
>One US leader.
>***************
>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
>
>Doughnuts.
>***************
>Why is air a lot like sex?
>
>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
> ***************
>Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
>
>Because Janet Reno is her real father.
> ***************
>What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room
>together?
>
>100 people who don't do dick.
> ***************
>
>
>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
>PART II
>
>What do you call a smart blonde?
>
>A golden retriever.
> *************
>What do attorneys use for birth control?
>
>Their personalities.
> *************
>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
>
>45 lbs.
> *************
>What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
>
>45 minutes.
> *************
>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
>
>Through his chest with a sharp knife.
> *************
>Why do men want to marry virgins?
>
>They can't stand criticism.
> **************
>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
>good-looking?
>
>Because those men already have boyfriends.
> **************
>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
>
>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
> ***************
>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
>
>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
>driving.
> ****************
>A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
>Who has the biggest boobs?
>
>The blonde, because she's 18.
> *****************
>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
>
>Because they have cotton balls.
> ******************
>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
>
>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
> *******************
>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
>
>Are you sure it's mine?"
> ***************
>What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
>
>Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
> ****************
> Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
>
>Mace will do that to you.
> **************
> Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
>
>Breasts don't have eyes.
> ***************
> Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
>
>He walks around saying "Yo."
> ****************
>Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
>Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
>
>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
> ***************
>
>
>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
>PART III
>
>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
>
>A different bar.
> ***************
>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
>other?
>
>A speech impediment.
> ***************
>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
>
>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
>along with... a "recipe".
> ****************
> How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
>
>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
> ***************
>What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
>fairytale?
>
>A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
>A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
> ***************
>
>
>
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