Date: Fri, 30 Jan 2004 09:10:35 -0600
Reply-To: Roy Olynick <rrh@AUTOBAHN.MB.CA>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Roy Olynick <rrh@AUTOBAHN.MB.CA>
Subject: Fwd: Vanagon Tool Box (Friday)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed
Begin forwarded message:
> Apart from screwdrivers, pliers and duct tape, what are some
> handy tools/items I should have on hand in case of emergency?
Here's a essential tools list, as contributed from an unknown (to me,
anyway) Listee a while back:
| | The Only Tools You'll Ever Need While Travelling
| |
| | 1. DUCT TAPE: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in
| | stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator
| | hose, upholstery, insulation, tow rope, and more in one
| | easy-to-carry package. Sure, there's a prejudice surrounding
duct
| | tape in concourse competitions, but in the real world everything
| | from LeMans - winning Porsches to Atlas rockets - uses it by the
| | yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a
| | quarter and a phone booth.
| |
| | 2. VICE-GRIPS: Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling
| | wire twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts, and
| | wiggle-it-till-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of your
| | toolbox, Vice Grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix
| | things screwed up beyond repair.
| |
| | 3. SPRAY LUBRICANTS: A considerably cheaper alternative to new
| | doors, alternators, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig
| | phlegm. Repeated soakings of WD-40 will allow the main hull
bolts
| | of the Andrea Dora to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an
| | integral part of these sprays is the infamous little red tube
| | that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross-eyed, one
of
| | the ten worst tools of all time.
| |
| | 4. MARGARINE TUBS WITH CLEAR LIDS: If you spend all your time under
| | the hood looking for a frendle pin that caromed off the peedle
| | valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's because
you
| | eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable
| | oil replicas, just so they can use the empty tubs for parts
| | containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the butter-colored
| | goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air
| | cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a
| | time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle
| | Pins.
| |
| | 5. BIG ROCK AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD: Block up a tire. Smack
corroded
| | battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop nosy know-it-all types
| | on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that
packs
| | the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only
| | tool with which a "made in India" emblem is not synonymous with
| | the user's maiming.
| |
| | 6. PLASTIC ZIP TIES: After twenty years of lashing down stray hoses
| | and wired with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly
| | slicked up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties
can
| | transform a hulking mass of amateur-quality rewiring from a
| | working model of the Brazilian rain forest into something
| | remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course, it works both
| | ways. When buying used cars, subtract $100.00 for each zip tie
| | under the hood.
| |
| | 7. RIDICULOUSLY LARGE STANDARD SCREWDRIVER WITH LIFETIME GUARANTEE:
| | Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiseling,
| | lifting, breaking, splitting, or mutilating than a huge
| | flat-bladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto
and
| | a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for oil filters so
| | insanely located they can only be removed by driving a stake in
| | one side and out the other. If you break the screwdriver - and
| | you will, just like Dad or your shop teacher said - who cares?
| | It's guaranteed.
| |
| | 8. BAILING WIRE: Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing
wire
| | holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape,
| | it's not recommended for concourse contenders since it works so
| | well you'll never replace it with the right thing again. Bailing
| | wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles, particularly
with
| | MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set.
| |
| | 9. BONKING STICK: This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly pointy
| | ends is technically known as a tie-rod- end separator, but how
| | often do you separate tie-ends? Once every decade, if you're
| | lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the all
| | purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge
| | flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal
panel
| | or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking
stick.
| | (Can also be used to separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course,
| | but does a lousy job of it).
| |
| | 10. A QUARTER (now its $0.35) AND A PHONE BOOTH: (See #1 above.)"
| |
Roy Olynick
49° 53' 04" N - 97° 08' 47" W
'87 Vanagon Westfalia GL (For Sale)
www.autobahn.mb.ca/~rrh/Westy_Home.htm |