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Date:         Fri, 30 Jan 2004 09:10:35 -0600
Reply-To:     Roy Olynick <rrh@AUTOBAHN.MB.CA>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Roy Olynick <rrh@AUTOBAHN.MB.CA>
Subject:      Fwd: Vanagon Tool Box (Friday)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed

Begin forwarded message:

> Apart from screwdrivers, pliers and duct tape, what are some > handy tools/items I should have on hand in case of emergency?

Here's a essential tools list, as contributed from an unknown (to me, anyway) Listee a while back:

| | The Only Tools You'll Ever Need While Travelling | | | | 1. DUCT TAPE: Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in | | stickum and plastic. It's safety wire, body material, radiator | | hose, upholstery, insulation, tow rope, and more in one | | easy-to-carry package. Sure, there's a prejudice surrounding duct | | tape in concourse competitions, but in the real world everything | | from LeMans - winning Porsches to Atlas rockets - uses it by the | | yard. The only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a | | quarter and a phone booth. | | | | 2. VICE-GRIPS: Equally adept as a wrench, hammer, pliers, baling | | wire twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts, and | | wiggle-it-till-it-falls-off tool. The heavy artillery of your | | toolbox, Vice Grips are the only tool designed expressly to fix | | things screwed up beyond repair. | | | | 3. SPRAY LUBRICANTS: A considerably cheaper alternative to new | | doors, alternators, and other squeaky items. Slicker than pig | | phlegm. Repeated soakings of WD-40 will allow the main hull bolts | | of the Andrea Dora to be removed by hand. Strangely enough, an | | integral part of these sprays is the infamous little red tube | | that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross-eyed, one

of | | the ten worst tools of all time. | | | | 4. MARGARINE TUBS WITH CLEAR LIDS: If you spend all your time under | | the hood looking for a frendle pin that caromed off the peedle | | valve when you knocked both off the air cleaner, it's because you | | eat butter. Real mechanics consume pounds of tasteless vegetable | | oil replicas, just so they can use the empty tubs for parts | | containers afterward. (Some, of course, chuck the butter-colored | | goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike air | | cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't connected by a | | time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle | | Pins. | | | | 5. BIG ROCK AT THE SIDE OF THE ROAD: Block up a tire. Smack corroded | | battery terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop nosy know-it-all types | | on the noodle. Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs | | the raw banging power of granite or limestone. This is the only | | tool with which a "made in India" emblem is not synonymous with | | the user's maiming. | | | | 6. PLASTIC ZIP TIES: After twenty years of lashing down stray hoses | | and wired with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly | | slicked up version to the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can | | transform a hulking mass of amateur-quality rewiring from a | | working model of the Brazilian rain forest into something | | remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course, it works both | | ways. When buying used cars, subtract $100.00 for each zip tie | | under the hood. | | | | 7. RIDICULOUSLY LARGE STANDARD SCREWDRIVER WITH LIFETIME GUARANTEE: | | Let's admit it. There's nothing better for prying, chiseling, | | lifting, breaking, splitting, or mutilating than a huge | | flat-bladed screwdriver, particularly when wielded with gusto and | | a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for oil filters so | | insanely located they can only be removed by driving a stake in | | one side and out the other. If you break the screwdriver - and | | you will, just like Dad or your shop teacher said - who cares? | | It's guaranteed. | | | | 8. BAILING WIRE: Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing wire | | holds anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, | | it's not recommended for concourse contenders since it works so | | well you'll never replace it with the right thing again. Bailing | | wire is a sentimental favorite in some circles, particularly with | | MG, Triumph, and flathead Ford set. | | | | 9. BONKING STICK: This monstrous tuning fork with devilishly pointy | | ends is technically known as a tie-rod- end separator, but how | | often do you separate tie-ends? Once every decade, if you're | | lucky. Other than medieval combat, its real use is the all | | purpose application of undue force, not unlike that of the huge | | flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal panel | | or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. | | (Can also be used to separate tie-rod ends in a pinch, of course, | | but does a lousy job of it). | | | | 10. A QUARTER (now its $0.35) AND A PHONE BOOTH: (See #1 above.)" | |

Roy Olynick 49° 53' 04" N - 97° 08' 47" W '87 Vanagon Westfalia GL (For Sale) www.autobahn.mb.ca/~rrh/Westy_Home.htm


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