Date:         Fri, 9 Sep 2005 20:34:22 -0500
Reply-To:     Larry Alofs <lalofs@RCN.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Larry Alofs <lalofs@RCN.COM>
Subject:      Re: Least-interesting Friday ever
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii; format=flowed

Michael Elliott wrote:

> Where are the Vanagon knock-knock jokes? the lame puns? the links to
> pages with not only /no/ Vanagon content, but /negative/ Vanagon
> content? -- the ones that, once viewed, actually /decrease/ the
> worldwide supply of Vanagon content?
>
> Sign me,
>
> Frosted on Friday.
>
Try these:



Subject: Understanding Engineers ...

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one
said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer
replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business
when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground,
took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the
clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass
is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to
be.

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's
with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The
doctor
chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The
pastor
said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with

him."

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather
slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's
a
group
of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse
from
a
fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so
sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing
all
things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years,
he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him
regarding
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of
their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and
everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail.

In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had
solved so
many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly
took the
challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at
the
end
of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component
of
the machine and said, "This is where your problem is." The part
was
replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received
a
bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an
itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where
to
put
it $49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again
in
peace.

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build
targets.

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing
the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it
was an
electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of
electrical
connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would
run
a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix
it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
enough
features yet."

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it
was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
said
he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress,
because
of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" they asked.

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to
the
lab and get some work done."

====================================

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out
to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He
bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up
again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took
the
frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the
pocket.
The
frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer
took
the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally,
the
frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess,
that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why

won't
you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."