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Date:         Fri, 4 Nov 2005 14:40:39 -0800
Reply-To:     Evan Mac Donald <macdonald1987@SBCGLOBAL.NET>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <>
From:         Evan Mac Donald <macdonald1987@SBCGLOBAL.NET>
Subject:      Re: Tools defined (it's a Fryedaye thing...)
In-Reply-To:  <000801c5e18e$38e89760$>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1

Sorry - was not aware of the authorship - was sent to me unattributed. I thought it worth sending on to fellow mechanically (dis)inclined types, so...

Jake de Villiers <crescentbeachguitar@TELUS.NET> wrote:Geez Evan, you might have had the courtesy to credit Peter Egan with authorship of this old Road & Track column! It hits the nail on the head though, doesn't it?


----- Original Message ----- From: "Evan Mac Donald" To: Sent: Friday, November 04, 2005 1:36 PM Subject: Tools defined (it's a Fryedaye thing...)

> See how many of these you recognise - or may even have!! > > > > > 1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that > freshly painted part you were drying. > > 2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to > say, "SH**!!!" > > 3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > holes until you die of old age > > 4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads. > > 5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > dismal your future becomes. > > 6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the > palm of your hand. > > 7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of. > > 8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and > motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 > socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > > 9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > handle firmly under the bumper. > > 10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > > 11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas > fir. > > 12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another > hydraulic floor jack. > > 13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your > boots. > > 14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes > and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. > > 15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile > strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect. > > 16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool > that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the > > end without the handle. > > 17 AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > > 18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth. Sometimes > called drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine > vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health > benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at > about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, > say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark > than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > > 19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, > as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads. > > 20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > compressed air that travels by hose to an Pneumatic impact wrench that > grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and > rounds them off. > > 21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. > > 22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. > > 23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer > now-a-days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts > not far from the object we are trying to hit. > > 24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of > cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well > on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, and plastic > parts > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database: 267.12.7/159 - Release Date: 11/2/2005 > > > > > > > > Evan Mac Donald > > 1984 Wolfburg > 1985 GL 7 Pass. > 1991 Carat Weekender > 1972 Chevy P/U > 1993 Bonneville >

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