Vanagon EuroVan
Previous messageNext messagePrevious in topicNext in topicPrevious by same authorNext by same authorPrevious page (November 2005, week 1)Back to main VANAGON pageJoin or leave VANAGON (or change settings)ReplyPost a new messageSearchProportional fontNon-proportional font
Date:         Fri, 4 Nov 2005 14:22:17 -0800
Reply-To:     Jake de Villiers <crescentbeachguitar@TELUS.NET>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Jake de Villiers <crescentbeachguitar@TELUS.NET>
Subject:      Re: Tools defined (it's a Fryedaye thing...)
Comments: To: Evan Mac Donald <macdonald1987@SBCGLOBAL.NET>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

Geez Evan, you might have had the courtesy to credit Peter Egan with authorship of this old Road & Track column! It hits the nail on the head though, doesn't it?

Jake

----- Original Message ----- From: "Evan Mac Donald" <macdonald1987@SBCGLOBAL.NET> To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM> Sent: Friday, November 04, 2005 1:36 PM Subject: Tools defined (it's a Fryedaye thing...)

> See how many of these you recognise - or may even have!! > > > > > 1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching > flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the > chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that > freshly painted part you were drying. > > 2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere > under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint > whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to > say, "SH**!!!" > > 3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their > holes until you die of old age > > 4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads. > > 5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board > principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable > motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more > dismal your future becomes. > > 6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is > available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the > palm of your hand. > > 7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various > flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the > grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of. > > 8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and > motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 > socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes. > > 9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground > after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack > handle firmly under the bumper. > > 10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an > automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle. > > 11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas > fir. > > 12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another > hydraulic floor jack. > > 13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for > spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your > boots. > > 14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes > and is ten times harder than any known drill bit. > > 15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile > strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect. > > 16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool > that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the > > end without the handle. > > 17 AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > > 18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth. Sometimes > called drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine > vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health > benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at > about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, > say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark > than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > > 19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style > paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, > as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads. > > 20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a > coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into > compressed air that travels by hose to an Pneumatic impact wrench that > grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and > rounds them off. > > 21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or > bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. > > 22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short. > > 23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer > now-a-days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts > not far from the object we are trying to hit. > > 24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of > cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well > on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, and plastic > parts > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database: 267.12.7/159 - Release Date: 11/2/2005 > > > > > > > > Evan Mac Donald > > 1984 Wolfburg > 1985 GL 7 Pass. > 1991 Carat Weekender > 1972 Chevy P/U > 1993 Bonneville >


Back to: Top of message | Previous page | Main VANAGON page

Please note - During the past 17 years of operation, several gigabytes of Vanagon mail messages have been archived. Searching the entire collection will take up to five minutes to complete. Please be patient!


Return to the archives @ gerry.vanagon.com


The vanagon mailing list archives are copyright (c) 1994-2011, and may not be reproduced without the express written permission of the list administrators. Posting messages to this mailing list grants a license to the mailing list administrators to reproduce the message in a compilation, either printed or electronic. All compilations will be not-for-profit, with any excess proceeds going to the Vanagon mailing list.

Any profits from list compilations go exclusively towards the management and operation of the Vanagon mailing list and vanagon mailing list web site.