Date:         Wed, 12 Apr 2006 19:21:36 +1200
Reply-To:     Andrew Grebneff <andrew.grebneff@STONEBOW.OTAGO.AC.NZ>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Andrew Grebneff <andrew.grebneff@STONEBOW.OTAGO.AC.NZ>
Subject:      Fwd: Australian Etiquette
Content-type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset=us-ascii

>  >IN GENERAL
>>1. Never take an open stubby to a job interview.
>>2. Always identify people in your paddocks before shooting at them.
>>3. It's tacky to take an esky to church.
>>4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
>>5. Even if you're certain you're included in the will, it's rude to take
>>your ute (or VW van) and trailer to the funeral.
>>
>>DINING OUT
>>1. When decanting wine from the box, tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so
>>as not to bruise the wine.
>>2. If drinking directly from the bottle, hold it with only one hand.
>>
>>ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>>1. A centrepiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
>>taxidermist.
>>2. Don't allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners.
>>
>>PERSONAL HYGIENE
>>1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this should be done in private,
>>using one's OWN ute keys.
>>2. Even if you live alone, deodorant isn't a waste of money.
>>3. Extensive use of deodorant can only delay bathing by a few days.
>>4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a no-no, it alters the taste of
>>finger foods and if you are a woman, it can draw attention away from your
>>jewellery.
>>
>>DATING
>>1. Always offer to bait your date's hook - especially on the first date.
>>2. Be assertive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go
>>out with you ever since I read that stuff on the dunny door two years ago."
>>3. Establish with her parents what time she's expected back. Some will say
>>11:00 PM, others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it's the
>>man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
>>
>>THEATRE ETIQUETTE
>>1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up after the movie
>>ends.
>>2. Refrain from yelling abuse at characters on the screen. Tests have
>>proven they can't hear you.
>>
>>WEDDINGS
>>1. Livestock is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>>2. Kissing the bride for more than five seconds may cause a drop in your
>>popularity.
>>3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux.  A tracksuit with a cummerbund and
>>clean football jumper can create a tacky appearance.
>>4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for the occasion.
>>
>>DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>>1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if your gun's loaded
>>and the roo's in your rifle sight.
>>2. When entering a roundabout, the vehicle with the largest roo bar doesn't
>>always have the right of way.
>>3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
>>4. When sending your wife down the road with a petrol can, it's impolite to
>  >ask her to bring back beer too.