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Date:         Fri, 22 Dec 2006 12:46:21 -0800
Reply-To:     pete <pete952@COMCAST.NET>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         pete <pete952@COMCAST.NET>
Subject:      Friday thoughts
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

>> This is the time of year when we think back to the very first >> Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- >> went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, >> "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh." >> >> These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover

>> an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no mention >> of wrapping paper. >> >> If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And lo, >> the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was >> festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going to >> throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth it! >> That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth >> his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper >> than the >> frankincense." >> >> But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very

>> first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people >> giving those gifts had two important characteristics: >> >> 1. They were wise. >> 2. They were men. >> >> Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of >> putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This is >> not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical

>> survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever

>> wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be >> there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he >> does wrap >> gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds >> per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at >> Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous >> spitballs." >> >> I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I >> can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck >> of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the

>> size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and

>> taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out. >> (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had >> been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of >> the Pharaoh's body >> would be covered only by Scotch tape. >> >> On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping >> paper, she can wrap a Vanagon (content). My wife, like many women, >> actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires

>> batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very >> close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my >> wife would wrap each individual volt. >> >> My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having >> babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why >> today I am >> presenting: >> >> Gift Wrapping Tips for Men: >> >> * Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the

>> recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can >> claim that it's myrrh. >> >> * The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to >> make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple

>> sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring >> and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If you're giving a >> hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag >> and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it. This creates a festive >> visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on Christmas >> morning: >> >> YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree? >> >> YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow! >> >> YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower. >> >> YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower! >> >> YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce. >> >> YOU: I also got you some myrrh. >> >> In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you give, >> or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time >> of year, is that you save the receipt. >> >> Author Unknown (but definitely male) >>


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