Date: Sun, 24 Dec 2006 15:16:51 -0800
Reply-To: Nathaniel Poole <npoole@TELUS.NET>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Nathaniel Poole <npoole@TELUS.NET>
Subject: Re: Writers aren't artists
In-Reply-To: <6B491092-A60C-40DE-8BC9-6730EF51FBE8@knology.net>
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³You shall be late,² the Monkey says from his chair in the corner, pulling
on a cigar the colour and shape of a cat turd. His legs are crossed and he
gives an air of insouciant amusement. A cloud of smoke drifts towards the
ceiling.
³He really doesnıt want to go,² pipes the Tin of Frisky Bits cat food from
its place on the counter. ³Or he wouldnıt still be here. All behaviour has
meaning,² it says, quoting someone whom it could not recall.
³Pipe down,² Jonathan snaps, trying yet again to tie his loincloth.
³Youıre going like that?² enquires the Monkey with a raised eyebrow. My
word; itıs cold out you know.
And as if in agreement the window rattles in itıs tattered and peeling
sash, a few flakes of snow ghosting across the fogged glass.
³Itıs all part of the process of enlightenment,² says Jonathan rather
stiffly. Endurance, dissociation, letting go. Cold is nothing.²
³Well actually² begins the affable Tin.
³Not now!² snaps Jonathan. There is a sudden pounding on the door. Everyone
falls silent, the monkey and the Tin giving each other knowing glances.
³Who could that be? says Jonathan, moving towards the door. His loincloth is
still not wrapped tight enough and he holds it up with one hand.
³Donıt open it!² cries the Tin. ³It could be a can opener.²
³Or a vivisectionist!² says the monkey. Together they set up a bawling
clamour.
Jonathan plugs one ear against the noise and reaches for the doorknob. Just
as he swings it open the loincloth collapses to the floor with a satisfied,
cotton sigh.
³Yo, get a load of that!² says the hammer, whistling ³If I had known, I
woulda brought flowers.²
³Dignity is an illusion,² replies Jonathan, bending down and lifting the
perfidious cloth.
³Oh, my, the evil eye,² chuckles the Monkey. ³Pray, do us a favour and turn
the other way, old chap. Thereıs a good fellow. Frisky is positively
rattling with embarrassment.² Indeed, the Tin had almost vibrated off the
counter, resulting in a fall that might have dented its shiny, flawless
edge.
³May I help you?² asks Jonathan as the hammer pushes its way into the
barren, water-stained room.
³I doubt it,² replies the hammer. ²Wow, what a dump. You mightıve done
something with the place if you knew you were having company, sport.²
³Possessions enslave humanity,² says Tin. ³Our houses are such unwieldy
property that we are often imprisoned rather than housed in them.²
³Yeah whatever, doll. You know, if you brought in a few stoned Goth chicks
this place could at least be funky.²
³What do you want?² says Jonathan, his face reddening and thinking to
himself, the Sufi shall not get pissed, the Sufi shall not get pissed.
³You called me, remember, dude hey, thereıs a monkey in here.²
³I called you?²
³Does it do tricks? I bet it craps all over the place.²
³I beg your pardon,² the Monkey replies, offended. ³I use the facilities as
any civilized person would.²
A silence falls on the party.
³I didnıt call you.² Jonathan says slowly.
The hammer turns to Jonathan. ³No? When was the last time you talked to a
hammer?²
³Well²
³Not too bright are you? Say, you on crack? Is this guy a tweaker?² he asks
the monkey.²
³I say²
³That was just mediation,² Jonathan stammers. I didnıt mean for²
³Well you did it, sport. And Iım the prize, the gold medal, the basket of
fruit from the boss, the sister-in-lawıs tongue in your mouth at New Years.
Give yourself a hand.²
³You most certainly are going to be late,² interrupts the Monkey.
³Oh hell, says Jonathan tying his loincloth. Anyone see my fedora?²
³Time is relative,² chimed the Tin.
³Whatıs the rush?² asks the hammer.
The monkey scratches himself. ³Heıs got a Yogic Flying conference to attend,
but heıs beastly late,²
³No kidding,² says the hammer. ³Well, I wouldnıt worry about it if I were
you.²
Jonathan places his hat on his balding head. ³Why,² he asks.
³Worldıs gonna end.²
³What?²
³Yup.² Heard it from the dumpster in the alleyway. Hears all kind of stuff
from all the crap that gets thrown in there. Youıve really woke this
building up, you know.²
³I have? Wow hey, the world canıt end!²
³Fraid so, Einstein.² Big American military-industrial complex experiment
thing. Privately bankrolled by Microsoft and Frito-Lay. The thinking goes
that if you destroy the world itıll give the Chinese second thoughts about
becoming the next world power. Got some bright sparks down there, fer sure.²
³I donıt believe it. What does a dumpster know.²
³Why? ³Just cause heıs not 90% water and doesnıt subscribe to pony fetish
mags? He got the scoop from a senatorıs condom. Dude has a girl on the
seventh floor. Poly-sci grad student.²
³But this is terrible! Those magazines are just researchno, no, no,²
Jonathan shakes his head. ³When is this supposed to happen?²
³Sometime in the next few days. Donıt really matter tho, a day here a day
there. Dance like thereıs no tomorrow. Hows about it Tinsy, youınıme get it
on, on last bang before the big one drops?²
³But this is impossible!² Jonathan shouts. ³We must stop this travesty!²
³Yeah? how so?²
³I donıt know, but whoıs with me?² Who?²
The Monkey stubs out his cigar and stares at him. ³Count me in, Jonathan.²
Tin shrugs, Now, later, makes little difference to me, but I could use a
change. Although I recognise change is a subjective response to²
³Well I ainıt hanging around this dump waiting to get humped by no rat
buzzed on meth, says the hammer. But before we go, one thing, dude,²
³What, what?²
³Get a brazilian or change outta that diaper. Yer puttinı me off my feed.²
>
>
> On Dec 24, 2006, at 11:19 AM, Nathaniel Poole wrote:
>
>> On 12/24/06 10:34 AM, "Joy Hecht" <jhecht@ALUM.MIT.EDU> wrote:
>>
>>> Yeah, and writing, though I don't quite think of that as artsy.
>>
>>
>> WHHHAT? I don't know whether to have an attack of the vapours and
>> faint or
>> fall on the floor laughing maniacally and foaming at the mouth. :)
>>
>> But I think the best enlightenment I can offer is an assignment.
>> Write a two
>> page story that must contain a monkey, a hammer, a naked fakir in a
>> seedy
>> Winnipeg hotel room, and a talking, philosophical cat food can.
>>
>> Due by boxing day. Lets see what ya got.
>>
>> Nathaniel
>>
>
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