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Date:         Fri, 9 Jan 2009 21:37:02 -0600
Reply-To:     Tieitup <tieitup@GMAIL.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <>
From:         Tieitup <tieitup@GMAIL.COM>
Subject:      Re: Phydaye Phollies ... an oldie. that's getting older :)
Comments: To: joel walker <>
In-Reply-To:  <00aa01c972cf$bd37b070$0101a8c0@gp207joel>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

I don't remember what I thought to what. That was quite the questionare, intresting, and creative.

While I was reading, I was wondering you put it together, then I got it. Funny and qwerty.

Good laughs & fun times always on this list.

Miller High Life Champagne of beers

On Fri, Jan 9, 2009 at 9:01 PM, joel walker <> wrote:

> Heisenberg had some thoughts on that. You will have all the tools >> to fix >> whatever broke last time. You will have all but one essential bit >> to fix >> what broke this time. >> > > Heisenberg was Murphy's brother-in-law. :) > > Learn to change a tire by yourself, in the rain, in your driveway. >> Learn to >> replace the headlight switch by flashlight in deep fog and 30 >> degrees, in >> your driveway. Replace the alternator belt with the new one you >> bought. In >> the dark...etc etc. >> Then,according to Robert Pirsig, you may be worthy of true vanagon >> enjoyment. >> > > ok, ok, ya forced it out of me ... > > > Quiz: Should YOU Own A Volkswagen Bus? > > From time to time, those of us with hopelessly shot old Volkswagen > Buses get The Question. You know what I mean: a co-worker or a friend > or a family member will catch a glimpse of the way the trouble light > gleams on the one good fender of your pride and joy and say, > "Maybe I should get one of these. What are they really like to own?" > > To save time and trouble, I've developed a carefully researched quiz > (meaning I've spent most of the afternoon goofing off on this instead > of doing useful work that my boss wants) that will help you in such > times. Keep a supply of these handy -- to order, reply by electronic > mail and please have your Visa card number at the top of the > message -- > and just pass them out whenever someone sighs, looks at your classic > bus, and says "You know, I always wanted one of those ..." > > This quiz will give them the definitive answer to the question of > whether they are the right kind of person to own a Volkswagen bus. > Use a #2 pencil, take your time, and remember, answer truthfully -- > the marriage you save may be your own. > > 1. You climb into the driver's seat of a car you haven't driven > for nearly a week, turn the key, and nothing happens. You: > > A. Call AAA and ask that the car be towed directly to the dealer > where you pay to have the charging system fully inspected. The > dealer ends up billing you $470 for the inspection and $110 for > a new battery, and you have to spend an additional $75 at a detail > shop to get the grease stains out of the floor mats. > > B. Call AAA and have them jump-start the car, at which point > you buy a new battery for $95 and pay another $30 to have it > installed. > > C. Jump-start the car from whatever other vehicle in your > stable is currently running and drive around at high speed > to charge the battery quickly. > > D. Crawl underneath it with your screwdriver and cigarette > lighter > (or mallet, if you are less mechanically deft) to jar the solenoid > loose. > > > 2. A few weeks later, the car does the same thing, this time on a > new battery. You: > > A. Call AAA, have them take the car back to the dealer and talk > loudly about small claims court; this time they charge you $780 > to replace the alternator, but because you were so outraged, they > throw in a new pine-tree air freshener and put paper mats on > the carpet (which get wadded up under the brake pedal anyway > and therefore still let the mechanic smear grease on your carpet). > > B. Call AAA, have the car jump-started, and take it to the > dealer where you quickly trade it in on a new model before > the problem recurs, at a total cost, including tax, license, > depreciation, interest, and dealer markup, of close to $6000. > > C. Realize you have a short-circuit somewhere that's causing > a slow leak, so you buy a battery-terminal cut-off switch and > install it yourself, for a total cost of $4.96 including tax > and a new grease-impregnated felt ring for under the terminal. > > D. Rig an extra 10 guage wire to give the solenoid an extra shot > at working while your clothes are still dry (but keep that > screwdriver handy) and start parking on top of that small hill > close to your apartment. > > > 3. Starting to think about selling the car, you dither about what to > get as a replacement, and finally decide on: > > A. Another of the same make, because Consumer's Report gave > it their highest overall rating. > > B. Another of the same make, because you just read in Car and > Driver that the J.D. Powers index has rated this brand in the top > three on overall customer satisfaction for the past four years. > > C. A Volkswagen Bus. I mean, as long as the car's going to have > problems, you might as well have something absolutely useful and > functional and big enough to sleep in, right? > > D. Keeping it. Who sells cars? If it's worth money to someone > else, it's worth restoring, or at least parking it out back of the > house until you can get around to working on it. > > > 4. When buying your new car, you make your purchasing decision: > > A. By shopping a number of local dealers to find which one has a > free courtesy van and loaner cars while yours is in the shop. > > B. By shopping a number of local dealers until you find one that > has the model you like in that wicked opalescent plum, with the > huge lighted vanity mirrors that your spouse likes. > > C. Because when you see the car, your arms start shaking and your > knees get weak and you know that if you don't have THAT car, you > will never be able to function as a fulfilled human being. > > D. Because you have a spare engine that might fit, and the > floorboards aren't *that* rusty. Besides this one looks > *challenging*. > > > 5. When you have found the car you want to buy, you pay: > > A. $50 over factory invoice, and you know it's the factory > invoice > because the dealer showed you a computer printout. > > B. The dealer's asking price, and you snicker all the way home, > knowing you made a great deal because they gave you *your* > full asking price on the trade in. > > C. Every penny you can scrape together, including what you have > in your 401(K) and next month's house payment. I mean, some > things are just more important than others. > > D. The tow truck driver an extra $10.00 not to hook up to the > bumper. > > > 6. When you arrive home with your new purchase, you immediately: > > A. Spray the interior with Scotchgard so that it won't stain when > the preschooler dumps a McDonald's Happy Meal on it and then > sits on the ketchup smears to keep out of trouble. > > B. Put a car cover on it in the garage so that nothing drips on > the paint. > > C. Put a clean layer of kitty litter under it so you can see > where the drips under it are coming from. > > D. Start explaining to the spouse what a deal it was, as you > vacuum out all the old roaches and stash bags. > > > 7. You know you're an enthusiast, because the first weekend you > own this car, you: > > A. Look through the Crutchfield catalog to see what components > you can add to enhance the bass response on the CD-player. > > B. Look through the ads in back issues of Road & Track to see > to see what rims will make it look really baaaaad. > > C. Look through the ads in the current issues of Hot VWs and VW > Trends to see who is having a sale so you can stock up on the > parts > that you expect to fail in the next few months. > > D. Start calling junkyards near and far to see who has a spare > left rear taillight lens. > > > 8. When it's time for your first oil change, you: > > A. Take it to the dealer -- after all, it's important to have > factory-certified technicians work on your vehicle. > > B. Take it to Sears -- after all, it's important to have a > handy local shop to blame if anything goes wrong. > > C. Do it yourself, in the garage or carport. Drain the engine, > and refill it with Castrol -- after all, the Porsche racing team > was sponsored by Castrol for all of their famous wins in the > Sixties and Seventies, and Dr. Porsche designed the engines in the > VW Buses, too. > > D. Do it yourself, using whatever Autozone has on sale. And while > you're down there, see about those pushrod tube seals and set the > valve clearance, which reminds you to check the exhaust gaskets > (cause it's been a bit loud lately), which makes you notice a hole > in your heater box, but luckily you have some aluminum tape ... > > > 9. When it has to be left overnight for service, you: > > A. Take it to the dealer and are ruined by the experience of > driving the loaner car, which is the next most expensive model, > equipped with leather interior, four cup-holders and a 10-CD > jukebox. Driving your old car isn't going to be the same after > you've been in this one. > > B. Put it off -- after all, this car's reputation for quality > means you should never have to worry about service, right? > > C. Put it off -- after all, the dealer has nothing but morons > and crooks working there, who don't know anything about fixing > buses at all. And the independent mechanics just laugh and make > jokes about your sanity when you drive up. > > D. Car-pool with your spouse/neighbor for the next three weeks > while you wait for the new cylinder heads in the mail, cause the > old ones got really damaged when you used that air impact wrench > to put in those new sparkplugs, cause it was much faster, and you > did that so you would have time to fix that heater box and you > can replace that after the car is back on the road as long as you > don't run the heater till then... > > > 10. A somewhat irresponsible family member asks to borrow > your car. You: > > A. Are a little nervous, but know that at least the car's > advanced > safety features will protect the driver even in the case of an > accident. That way you can savor the pleasure of the kill > yourself. > > B. Suddenly remember that you've entered the Atascadero > Porcupine Grooming Contest that weekend and that you need > the car to bring along your quill-removal gear. > > C. Spend half an hour explaining the Ying and Yang of Bus > Driving, > the philosophy of Belligerent Defensive Driving with No Crash > Protection, how your butt drops out from under you during panic > stops, how it only SEEMS like you are going to tip over as you > go around corners, and how you really don't think it's a good idea > for people who have never driven a Bus to start now, because of > the current political situation downtown and the alignment of > Jupiter with Mars. > > D. Spend half an hour going over the details, like how to start > the car on the first three tries (using the switch that feeds the > that extra 10 gauge wire), how to keep it running without stalling > until it warms up, and how the headlight switch operates the > backup lights, the bass button on the radio works the parking > lights and the heater fan, the rear defroster switch works the > high beams, and of course, the heater box that is still broken > even > after you changed the spark plugs so be sure to bring a jacket and > a towel to wip the condensation off the inside of the windshield. > Oh, and don't forget NOT to push in the cigarette lighter. > You don't want to know what happens if you do that. > > > YOUR SCORE > > If you answered A to more than five questions, you should own a new > European Luxury Sports Car. Rush right out and buy one. Now. The > manufacturer doesn't matter much, as long as it is German, Italian, > British, or Swedish. Don't buy French makes; their names are hard to > pronounce and they are not spelled correctly. And they are not very > fashionable right now. Be sure to get one with a large model number, > like 500, 850, 928, or 9000 (stay away from small model numbers like > 80, 280, 320 ... small numbers indicate small minds, and get no > respect > from dealer service personnel). Front-wheel drive is the current > vogue > and will therefore make you and your car much more unique and more > fashionable. Be sure to ask the dealer salesperson about what all > those > letters and numbers on the tires mean; after all, it is the job of > the > salesperson to be completely informed on every technical aspect of > your > car, right? > > If you answered B to more than five questions, you should own a > Japanese car. Any kind, basically; they're pretty much inter- > changeable, as long as somewhere in the model designation there's > a two-letter code with at least one X in it. That's the important > thing. > > If you answered C to more than five questions, you may actually > already > be far enough gone round the bend to own a Volksagen Bus. To > determine > which generation Bus you should choose, look at the answers you gave > which were NOT C: > If you answered mostly A to the other questions, you should get a > Eurovan. > If you answered mostly B to the other questions, you should get a > Vanagon, preferably a water-cooled model. > If you answered mostly D to the other questions, you should get an > air-cooled Vanagon. > > If you answered D to more than five questions, not only do you qualify > to own a Volkswagen Bus, but you are exactly the type who NEEDS one, > especially the very old Split-Window Microbus or perhaps a Bread-Loaf > Bay-Window Bus. > To decide for certain, put a half-pound of crushed ice > in your shorts, make a slurry of beach sand and pea-gravel with used > motor oil and grind it into your scalp, and stand out in the rain > overnight, smiling like an idiot ... because you know that Suffering > Builds Character. > If you manage that, you're in the club! > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > shamelessly stolen from > Scott Fisher <> on the British Car List > and mortified by > Joel Walker <> > with editorial assistance from > Steve Dolan <> > Ric Golen <> >


Joan Crawford - "I, Joan Crawford, I believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend."

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