Date: Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:33:09 -0700
Reply-To: Scott Daniel - Turbovans <scottdaniel@TURBOVANS.COM>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Scott Daniel - Turbovans <scottdaniel@TURBOVANS.COM>
Subject: Re: Fryedaye Re: Can You Have Too Many Vanagons? an in-depth
study of a modern social sickness.
Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
reply-type=response
fabulously written of course.
Can I get a smidgen of credit for not indulging *even yet more* in VA (
vanagon addiction ) by not even calling about an 84 that's being sent to the
crusher, about a 5 hour drive from me , when normally I'd offer something
on the trans and take a quick run up there to get that part at least - ? .
( whether you have a good trans or not is almost a defining point of
whether an old vanagon is viable - engines are easy to get, trans far less
so, and it's a 'crime' to let a possibly good transmission go for just scrap
metal value . Even as a core, if it's rebuildble, a trans is worth 10 X what
it is in scrap value ) .
thanks for the fun write-up.
Scott
turbovans
----- Original Message -----
From: "joel walker" <uncajoel@BELLSOUTH.NET>
To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM>
Sent: Friday, August 14, 2009 1:22 PM
Subject: Fryedaye Re: Can You Have Too Many Vanagons? an in-depth study of a
modern social sickness.
> whilst regaling the internet about Cheap Syncro-Columbus, OH,
> someone asked, quite innocently ...
>> Can you have too many Vanagons...?.....;-)
>
> and there began the Wheels a'turning. :)
>
>
> Yes, Virginia, a person CAN have too many Vanagons.
>
> it is sad, but it is true. and it can be hazardous to one's health.
>
> 1. wives/husbands/cats/dogs/companions/neighbors have been known to
> suddenly
> go 'mental' and inflict serious bodily damage upon said
> person-with-too-many-Vanagons (hereafter referred to as simply PwtmV)
> with various and sundry sharp objects found
> nearby within the house/mobile home/cabin/tent/camper. the most common
> trigger
> for such actions seems to be the phrase "You won't believe the deal i
> got on this bus!"
> or some variation thereof.
>
> 2. PwtmVs have been known to neglect their health care, preferring to
> spend such monies
> on replacement/spare parts, various and sundry harmful chemicals
> (Por-15, etc), paint,
> aftermarket accessories, tires, windshields, and so on. these actions
> are commonly
> accompanied by wheezing, coughing, skin discolorations, and an
> increased desire for
> alcoholic beverages of various colors and types, coupled with a
> pronounced twitchiness,
> drooling, and spending hours upon personal computers emailing other
> similarly inflicted
> people.
>
> 3. PwtmVs sometimes subject other members of their family groups to
> the same neglect,
> resulting in psychological trauma from ridicule by the member's peer
> groups. this is usually
> found when the member is a teenager. pre-teens seem to actually like
> this neglect, seeing
> the too-many-Vanagons as 'neat'. this 'neatness' usually fades as
> winter sets in and they realize that the clothing allowance was spent
> on cv joints for one of the Vanagons. teenagers
> actively rebel and can become quite violent at times, especially when
> confronted with the
> prospect of a parentally-chaperoned date to be carried out in one of
> the too-many-Vanagons, assuming, of course, that any of them actually
> run. the same sort of trauma has been noted
> in wives/husbands/cats/dogs/companions/neighbors when forced to ride
> to malls, stores, places of work, etc., so the reaction seems to be
> related to post-puberty homones.
>
> 4. the only known species that seems to NOT be affected by PwtmVs are
> dogs. possibly cats.
> it's very difficult to determine what, if anything, affects cats.
> other than dogs.
> but dogs seem to not be affected by PwtmVs and their obsessive
> behaviour(s). in fact, there are
> numbers of cases in which the dogs were active participants in such
> behaviour(s), actually
> encouraging the PwtmV in such obsessions.
>
> 5. there is no known cure. well, other than
> wives/husbands/cats/dogs/companions/neighbors actually murdering the
> PwtmV. such occurances are rare, however, even though the usual
> case results in 'justifiable homicide' charges, rather than actual
> Second-degree Murder.
>
> 6. it seems to be a primarily male-related sickness, but has been
> known to spread quickly across gender lines. indeed, sometimes, the
> sickness is much more intense when it speads, engendering somewhat
> striking abnormalities in other areas of personality. for the
> population
> as a whole, however, the risk is quite low and nothing other than
> ordinary precautions (washing of one's entire body and soul after
> riding in a Vanagon, or even talking with a PwtmV, or at least washing
> one's mind with alcohol after being around any PwtmV) is required for
> most people. some of the population, however, seems to be extremely
> weak-willed and able to be
> dramatically influenced by the merest contact with PwtmVs ... the
> DNA-related aspects of this influence have not yet been determined, as
> no money was forthcoming from the federal government for the necessary
> studies.
>
> 7. a PwtmV also seems to have a severe need for bonding with other
> PwtmVs, in small or large groupings, usually at some secluded alcove
> in some national or state park, or even in the wilderness beyond
> regulations. such bonding is often associated with strange behaviour,
> strange clothing, strange foodstuffs, and even stranger music. this
> gives rise to the truth in the old saying that "misery loves company".
> in this case, le Miserables REALLY loves company.
> these gatherings occur sporatically across the world, lingering for
> days, with accumulations of the infectees reaching into the dozens.
> these gatherings should not be confused with rock concerts or Burning
> Man or other such accumulations of wretched psyches, although it is
> true that many of the PwtmV infectees do attend such gatherings.
>
> 8. the long-term effects of PwtmV-itis (for want of a more clinically
> correct nomenclature) appears to be fairly consistent across the
> infectees, with some slight variations which appear to be related to
> personal income: that is, the more money the infectee has at their
> disposal, the less virulent the sickness becomes. this appears to be
> due to the ability (due to the excess income) to foster the sickness
> off onto mechanics who become infected not only with PwtmV-itis, but
> with greed-itis as well, creating a truly horrible personality
> disorder. in most cases, however, the PwtmV simply takes on the guise
> of a mechanic, further corrupting his psyche and creating more stress
> within any relationships currently in place. in very rare cases, the
> corruption takes a further turn for the worse, and the infectee begins
> to make Vanagons their entire life's work, possibly even seducing
> passersby into their sick little world, infecting them with
> PwtmV-itis, and then producing income from that infection. this is a
> truly sick, sick situation, and thankfully rare, but it has been known
> to happen. one of the worst cases has been given its own name:
> GoWesty-itis. easily discernible by silly grins and empty
> purses/wallets, and strange attachments within and without the
> vehicle(s) involved.
>
> 9. the best strategem for handling this infection and/or the PwtmV
> themselves is to just basically go-with-the-flow. that is, appear to
> agree and sympathize with the individual (or group, if you happen to
> stumble into a gathering of PwtmV), even to the point of purchasing a
> Vanagon yourself. this simple action will soothe and calm the PwtmV to
> such an extent that they may relax and no longer threaten you with
> wild looks, strange noises, and endless babble.
> however, there does exist the slight danger that the PwtmV will want
> to buy your Vanagon ...yes, it is that serious an illness. should you
> choose to sell it, however, you are right back where you started: wild
> looks, strange noises, and endless babble. so it is better, from your
> point of view, to NOT sell, but rather buy parts from the PwtmV, who
> will then see you as competition and refuse to have anything to do
> with you in the future. the only problem with this course of action is
> that the liklihood of you becoming an infectee is quite high.
>
> 10. last, but by no means least, is the question: How Many is Too
> Many?
> there are those reputable scientists that say one is too many ...
> somewhat akin to "being a little bit pregnant": ain't no such thing.
> either you are or you are not, infected that is. and so it would seem
> to be true that if you have one Vanagon, you have "too many". but at
> this number of buses, the severity of the disease is not so readily
> apparent ... many people who have only one Vanagon appear perfectly
> normal to their wives/husbands/cats/dogs/companions/neighbors. this
> can be analogous to Typhoid Mary, wherein a person is a Carrier, but
> seems to be unaffected by the diesease themselves. however, in the
> case of the PwtmV, this is not the long term case ... they WILL buy
> another Vanagon, sooner or later. if only as an excuse to 'have spare
> parts, cause they are getting harder to find". it is the second or
> third Vanagon that causes the person to run amuck and be consumed with
> the disease. if the number of buses can be contained by
> wives/husbands/cats/dogs/companions/neighbors , there is some small
> hope for recovery in the future, but if allowed to gather about
> themselves more and more Vanagons, all hope is lost and another soul
> begins its downward journey into the seven levels.
> other reputable scientists proclaim that as long as one Vanagon is
> driveable, it doesn't matter how many the PwtmV has, and there is
> still hope. recent research has shown this to be untrue ... a mere
> tale of false hope, created by desperate
> wives/husbands/cats/dogs/companions/neighbors, seeking to ease their
> own pain. with each additional Vanagon, the amount of time consumed by
> these vehicles increases exponentially until the brain of the PwtmV
> explodes or at least dribbles out their ears. at this point, the
> disease has crossed over in terminology and is now known as
> Junkyarditis, and falls under many local and state regulations
> regarding toxic waste and scrap metal collections. these cases are
> extremely rare, but do occur.
>
> you have been warned.
> ;)
>
> unca joel
| 
