Date: Fri, 8 Jan 2010 16:47:04 -0600
Reply-To: joel walker <uncajoel@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: joel walker <uncajoel@BELLSOUTH.NET>
Subject: Re: Frieday Chicken Count Before They Hatch
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one ignorant chicken-plucking lowlife dog said ...
> If one and a half chickens can lay one and a half eggs in one and a
> half days, how many eggs wil nine chickens lay in nine days?
then some ignorant weasel replied ...
>54
and THEN another looney tunes chicken hawk chimed in with ...
>i agree - 54.
to which i, the Ilustrious and Profound Ruler of the Roost and Long
Time
Prevaricator of Poultrytudenous Prevenance and Prevention,
Foghorn J. Leghorn, proclaim ...
lookie here, i say, lookie here!!
you're wrong, son, you're waaaaay off this time!!!
pay attention to me, boy, i'm not just talking to hear my head roar!
firstly, there's no such thing as a half a chicken. cepting on a
dinner plate
(horrors!!).
secondly, there's no such a thing as half an egg. can't lay a half
egg,
can't even find one, cepting on them dinner plates again (double
horrors!!).
thirdly, having spent my entire lifetime showing and crowing around
the barnyards and chicken coops of this Great and Glorious Nation of
ours,
i can speak with some authority that getting some of them lazy
good-for-nothing hens to even lay ONE egg per day is expecting minor
miracles of a nature similar to winning the lottery in Alabama!!
(there ain't no lottery in Alabama, son).
now, as pertains to Real Life Conditions, which includes mortality
rates and other such actuarial tables, compounded by the U. S.
Department of Agriculture and other such organizations, regarding the
probabilities of egg production on tiny, small, medium, large, and
even gradiose scales, you have to factor in losses of said chickens
(and in doing so, i feels it necessary to remind the reader that only
hens lay eggs. so i'm assuming that the morons that started this mess
meant 'hens' and not just your generic barnyard chicken, which could
also include Roosters, and i'm here to tell ya, Roosters do NOT lay
eggs!). and those losses
can be due to stupidity/accidents, sickness and disease, as well as
predation by a host of different sources, such as Farmers, Farmers'
wives, Farmers kids, Farmers' dirty ol' egg-sucking dogs, Johnny Cash,
weasels, and last but not least, chicken hawks.
ergo, therefore, and to wit, the best you're gonna get out of the
eight surviving hens is gonna be a Grand Total of maybe eight eggs in
nine days.
that's 8. not 81, not 54, not 43, but 8.
not even a full dozen. not even close to a poulter's dozen.
8.
pronounced 'ate', like what predators do with chickens. and why
there's only
eight hens left to even try to lay eggs.
is any of this getting through that thick head of yours, boy?
(that boy's about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of
oatmeal!).
don't ya see, son, it's one of those Humourous Inflictives!
it's a joke, son, don't ya get it?
ok, i'll shut up. i'm not one of them that has to keep talking.
some fellows just have to keep their mouth flapping, but not me.
i was brought up right. my pa used to tell me 'shut up!' and i'd shut
up.
i wouldn't say nothing!
one time darned near starved to death ... wouldn't tell him i was
hungry!
F. J. Leghorn, Esq.
f.j.leghorn@dodah.dodah.barnyard.org
(555) 444-23skiddo - cell
BigChicken - twitter
office hours 5:45-6:30 Monday through Sundays
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