Date:         Thu, 30 Jun 2011 08:54:23 -0400
Reply-To:     ed donnen <spliced.surprise@GMAIL.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         ed donnen <spliced.surprise@GMAIL.COM>
Subject:      Demons IV
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Rust Demons IV- Sheeetmetal

Yesterday I went to Dixie Metalwork to get some sheet metal to replace a
piece of paneling on my truck.  With a special THANX to Ken W. for finding
me the panel, I decided to try my hand at cutting and patching first.  So in
I go to Dixie Metalwork not knowing what kind of metal I needed but thinking
this should be easy with these experts to help me.  So of course I meet a
fine specimen of Southern Hospitality I shall call BillyBob, and the
conversation gets as mired down as a Westy Syncro in the bayou with all our
toolboxes on board.  When I was growing up in New York the longest word in
the English language was antidisestablishmentarianism.  Down south they have
an even longer word, I won’t spell it out in this polite company, but
BillyBob sounded out sheet metal as “sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetmetal”.  For
the brevity of this post and to save a lot of letters, I’ll abbreviate my
new word as sh*tmetal for the duration of this post. Now you know what I’m
talkin’ about.  I must admit I ain’t got no accent, but BillyBob gots
hisself some kinda speech impediment, ‘cause we is not communicating.  As
the man once said, “What we have heah, is a failuya tocommunicate.”  After
much gesticulation and pointing on both our parts, my sheet metal never
linked up with BillyBobs sh*tmetal.  In desperation I took BillyBob out to
my truck and pointed at the rusty panel.  His only comment I could
comprehend was, “That ain’t no truuuuck, get you a Chevy.”   So I left Dixie
Metalwork empty handed and almost empty headed, but I got a new word out of
the deal, sh*tmetal.  We are a common people separated by a common language.
.
Perhaps I may have wondered just a Wii bit from the topic.  (Hey, did you
notice that clever word play nod to the digital age?) (Let’s not start THAT
again!)
Anyway, when I got home I remembered there were old junker cars in the class
and I could get metal from them.  So I was ready for my auto body class, and
didn't have to go to a store and learn a new word in the first place.  So
please don't bother reading the first part of this post.
.
Last night I had to cut a rather large chunk out of the louvered panel on
the passenger side of the truck.  I tried to reach the inside of the panel
from the engine compartment to facilitate cleaning and to access the total
rust problem.  No matter how hard I tried to reach the sh*tmetal from the
tight engine compartment, I kept banging my head on the lobotomizing framing
member blocking me.  Since this beam is in the engine compartment of my
truck, I will call it the Auto-lobotomy Beam of Destiny.   (snicker,
snicker).  With many more sparking rooster tails flowing over the bed of the
truck, and a mental note NOT to wear open-toe sandals next week, I did the
grinder/cutter trick again and removed a healthy chunk of the panel from the
outside, leaving me access to clean and neutralize the remaining rust before
welding.  Then I cut a replacement panel from the hood of a junker Toyota to
use on my truck.  I hope the list won’t think less of me, or the truck for
that matter.
.
Next week I will meet "Mr. Box and Pan Brake" to bend the sh*tmetal to my
will, and I will be prepared for the Auto-lobotomy Beam of Destiny.  I shall
study either "The contortionist guide to VW maintenance" or the rather more
adult "The 15 positions of mechanical bliss in the Karman-Ghia-Sutra."  I
shall then sneer disdainfully as I slide over, around, and pass the
Auto-lobotomy Beam of Destiny on my way to tack weld the new sh*tmetal in
place.

ed- I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy