Date:         Fri, 7 Apr 1995 14:01:12 -0700 (PDT)
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         "Thom Fitzpatrick" <thom@tim.com>
Subject:      F++


Here is a list of great Confucious sayings....

(no VW content, but, well, it happens...)


===============================================
 78.  "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"
 77.  "It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park
       meat in girl."
 76.  "Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."
 75.  "Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed."
 74.  "Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."
 73.  "Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
 72.  "Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."
 71.  "Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."
 70.  "Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone."
 69.  "Man who meows ate pussy!"
 68.  "Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."
 67.  "Those who quote me are fools."
 66.  "Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!"
 65.  "Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
 64.  "Work to become, not to acquire."
 63.  "Show off always shown up in showdown."
 62.  "Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."
 61.  "Man with no legs bums around."
 60.  "Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."
 59.  "Baby ill-conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
 58.  "A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
 57.  "Find old man in dark, not hard!"
 56.  "Man who scratch butt should not bite fingernails!"
 55.  "Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
 54.  "Ok for shit to happen . . . will decompose."
 53.  "When in doubt, whip it out."
 52.  "A man with his hands in pockets feels foolish,
         but a man with holes in pockets feels nuts."
 51.  "Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"
 50.  "War doesn't determine who's right, war determines who's left."
 49.  "Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely
         to end up with splitting headache."
 48.  "Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."
 47.  "Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed."
 46.  "Girl who go to bachelor pad for snack get tit-bit."
 45.  "Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the whole
         woman have more."
 44.  "Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."
 43.  "Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."
 42.  "No difference between man and mouse - both end up in pussy."
 41.  "Woman is like jazz music, 3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time."
 40.  "Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house."
 39.  "Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."
 38.  "Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."
 37.  "Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night!"
 36.  "If you park, don't drink, accidents cause people."
 35.  "Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!"
 34.  "House without toilet is uncanny."
 33.  "Many men smoke but Fu Manchu."
 32.  "He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty
          double crosser."
 31.  "While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding."
 30.  "Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"
 29.  "Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
 28.  "It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
 27.  "Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
 26.  "Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
 25.  "Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow."
 24.  "Man that have sex with hole in ground have piece on earth."
 23.  "Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
 22.  "Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have
         offspring next spring."
 21.  "Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky."
 20.  "Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."
 19.  "Wife for life is better than wife for strife."
 18.  "Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."
 17.  "Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
 16.  "Girl with little red bike peddle ass all over town!"
 15.  "Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
 14.  "Girl who slides down banister nude gets splinters by crackey!"
 13.  "Rape no good, woman run faster with dress up, than man can with
         pants down."
 12.  "Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand."
 11.  "Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it."
 10.  "All blonde not blonde by cracky."
  9.  "Man who sit on tack get point!"
  8.  "Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"
  7.  "Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
  6.  "Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new-key!"
  5.  "Woman who fly plane upside down have hairy crack up!"
  4.  "Man who has woman on ground has piece on earth!"
  3.  "Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
  2.  "Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"
  1.  "Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."

-- 
> Dain bramaged.
............................................................................
:    Thom Fitzpatrick                             Transamerica Info Mgmnt  :
:  Systems Administrator                          1860 Howe Ave            :
:  tfitzpatrick@tim.com                           Sacramento, CA 95825     :
:   fax (916) 921-6781                            (916) 565-3346           :
............................................................................