Date:         Fri, 05 May 95 09:20:30 CDT
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         Joel Walker <JWALKER@ua1vm.ua.edu>
Subject:      FFFriday: and now, for something completely different ...


MOTHER BUS
Nursery Rhymes


Jack and Jill went up the hill
To test a Vee-Dub Syncro.
Jill smashed trees, and just to tease,
Crushed poor old Jackie's ego!


Hickory dickory dock,
The chickens are in a flock.
My bus struck one, as it tried to run,
The rest of them got away without injury.


Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick,
Jack got caught
On the gearshift stick!


Little Jack Horner
Sat in a corner
Greasing his cv joints.
Along came his wife
And gave him some strife
And now he's out mowing the lawn.


Mary had a little bus
It's roof was white as snow.
And everywhere that Mary went
That bus was sure to go.

She drove the bus to school one day
Which was against the rule,
But even so, the kids all thought
Her Microbus was cool!


Little boy blue, come blow your horn
Your van won't go and you're all forlorn.
Where's the boy from the driver's chair?
At the back of his van, kneeling in prayer.
                                     wself@viking.emcmt.edu (Will Self)


Old Father Hubbard--the guy with the cupboard--
Kept Volkswagen parts stored inside 'em
And a mean junkyard Doberman, trained to guard over them,
Drooled as he hungrily eyed 'em.

Old Father Hubbard went to the cupboard
To get his poor doggie a C. V.
But the poor doggie's point, when he asked for a joint
Was a piece of the Old Father's knee, see?

Old Father Hubbard, the guy with the cupboard,
(Old Pegleg, as he is now known)
Still has the C.V., he'll keep it till need be,
And the poor dog at last has a bone.
                                     wself@viking.emcmt.edu (Will Self)


A van child would exploring go,
Heigh-ho cries Rowley.
A van child would exploring go,
Whether his mother would let him or no.
Heigh-ho cries Anthony Rowley.

He travelled on pavement till't was no more,
Heigh-ho cries Rowley.
He travelled on pavement till't was no more,
Called Heigh-ho Synchro with pedal to floor.
Heigh-ho cries Anthony Rowley.

He drove his bus to the water's brink,
Heigh-ho cries Rowley.
He drove his bus to the water's brink,
And kept right on, shouting swim or sink,
Heigh-ho cries Anthony Rowley.

He crossed the sea to Helsingor,
Heigh-ho cries Rowley.
He crossed the sea to Helsingor,
Shipping only one gallon in the passenger's floor.
Heigh-ho cries Anthony Rowley.

He blasted off for outer space,
Heigh-ho cries Rowley.
He blasted off for outer space,
And won the Galacteal VW Race.
Heigh-ho cries Anthony Rowley.
                                      wself@viking.emcmt.edu (Will Self)


There was an old woman who lived in a bus,
She only wore flannel, it caused her to cuss,
She made up a shower to keep herself clean,
And kept it inside her Volkswagen machine.


This little bus went to market,
This little bus stayed home,
This little bus had premium fuel,
This little bus had none,
This little bus went Beep, Beep, Beep,
All the way home.


Billy Bubba bought a bunch of busted buses.
A bunch of busted buses Billy Bubba bought.
If Billy Bubba bought a bunch of busted buses,
Where's the bunch of busted buses Billy Bubba bought?


Old Fat Joel
Was a very old soul,
And a very old soul was he.
He drove an old bus
And he caused quite a fuss
And he gave out opinions for free.


Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How goes your Vanagon?
With coolant leaks, and throttle tweaks,
And a temp light that's always on!


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Fixing her bus's fuel pump.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And said, "You gonna eat the rest of that donut?"


Humpty Dumpty drove in a van,
Humpty drank his beer from a can.
All of the doctors, policemen, and such,
Couldn't fix Humpty when he lost his touch.


Jack Sprat, he wore a hat,
  His wife, she wore blue jeans,
They drove their Vee-Dub bus around
  Just hoping to be seen.


Around and round the Microbus
Mechanics chased the mallet,
The owner thought it was all in fun,
POP! goes the wallet.

A penny for a nut or bolt,
A penny for a washer,
That's the way the money goes!
POP! goes the wallet.

Alternate version:

Around and round the Vanagon
Mechanics used their greasel
They all had thought it'd easy be ...
Oops! It's a diesel!


Make a bus, make a bus, Volkswagen man!
Make me a bus as fast as you can!
Weld it and paint it and mark it with a V,
Send it to the dealer for baby and me.


Monday's bus was made apace,
Tuesday's bus will win the race,
Wednesday's bus has far to go,
Thursday's bus has loads to tow,
Friday's bus is fair and true,
Saturday's bus has nothing to do,
But a bus that's made on the Sabbath Day
Just doesn't exist -- that's all I can say.


A frantic mechanic,
An old fart pedantic,
What slows you even more?
You used to finish by one o'clock,
And now you're not done til four!


As I was going to Spokane,
I met a man with seven vans,
Each van had seven seats,
Each seat had seven pleats,
Each pleat had seven stitches,
Stitches, pleats, seats, and vans,
How many were there going to Spokane?