Date:         Sat, 13 May 1995 11:28:58 -0700
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         nrubin@s1.csuhayward.edu (Martha Rubin)
Subject:      f/ cars = computers?!?


WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?

 General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know
 how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but
 imagine if they did....

 HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
 Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
 HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
 Customer: "What's an ignition?"
 HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
            and turns over the engine."
 Customer: "Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have to
            know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

 HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
 Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
 HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"
 Customer: "Huh?  How do I know?"
 HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle
            and markings from 'E' to 'F'.  Where is the needle
            pointing?"
 Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'.  What does that mean?"
 HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
            some more gasoline.  You can install it yourself or pay
            the vendor to install it for you."
 Customer: "What?  I paid $12,000 for this car!  Now you tell me that
            I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car that
            comes with everything built in!"

 HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
 Customer: "Your cars suck!"
 HelpLine: "What's wrong?"
 Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"
 HelpLine: "What were you doing?"
 Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
            all the way to the floor.  It worked for a while and then
            it crashed and it won't start now!
 HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What
            do you expect us to do about it?"
 Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
            doesn't crash any more!"

 HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
 Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
            because it has automatic transmission, cruise control,
            power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
 HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
 Customer: "How do I work it?"
 HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
 Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
 HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"
 Customer: "I'm not a technical person.  I just want to go places
            in my car!"