Date:         Mon, 19 Jun 95 10:43:35 CDT
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         Joel Walker <JWALKER@ua1vm.ua.edu>
Subject:      FF just a little stolen humor ...

shamelessly stolen and modified for immortal porpoises ... :)


ARE YOU A REAL BUS GUY?

DIRECTIONS: Answer the following multiple choice questions honestly and
score the results using the directions at the end.Then, rank yourself on
the bus-guy scale to find out if you have what it takes to swing a wrench
with the big boys and earn the title BUS GUY.

1 - You learn that you have just inherited $100,000.00. You decide to
    talk to your wife about:
    A - the wisdom of investing in a tax deferred annuity
    B - the wisdom of investing in sunbelt real estate
    C - the wisdom of investing in classic sports cars

2 - Which contributed the most to the wellbeing of mankind? :
    A - Jonas Salk's polio vaccine
    B - the Beatle's "Abbey Road" album
    C - the synchro-mesh transmission

3 - The head of the EPA is:
    A - a courageous and dedicated public servant
    B - a confused and misguided bureaucrat
    C - Satan

4 - How often do you mow your lawn?:
    A - once a week
    B - once a month
    C - as soon as you can get the project bus off of the cinder blocks
        and out of the way

5 - The greatest battle of the century was:
    A - Spruance versus Nagumo at Midway
    B - Ali versus Frazier at Manila
    C - Porsche versus Ferrari at Lemans

6 - If you were in the desert and dying of thirst, which would you want
    most?
    A - A tube of chapstick
    B - a can of beer
    C - an extra mile-per-gallon on your highway fuel economy

7 - Your favorite book is:
    A - War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy
    B - The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
    C - How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive by John Muir

8 - Your ideal vacation is:
    A - running down the slopes at St. Moritz
    B - downing margaritas in Cancun
    C - checking out the junkyard over on Route 14

9 - The man you admire most is:
    A - Mahatma Ghandi
    B - Ferdinand Porsche
    C - Heinrich Nordoff

10- You lose your job, receive a divorce summons, and learn that your
    teenager has traveled to Denmark for "the operation"; you decide to:
    A - oil up that .38 in the bottom drawer
    B - buy a case of Dewar's and subscribe to the sport's channel
    C - call that guy with the "needs restoration" bus in the Auto Trader

SCORING:
    For each "A" answer, award yourself 0 points;
    for each "B" answer, award yourself 5 points;
    for each "C" answer, award yourself 10 points.

0 - 25 points:   You are on the wrong mailing list, and driving the
                 wrong car. You should apply for a refund for your tag
                 and license from the DMV.
30 - 70 points:  There's hope; a few more years and we may have you
                 straightened out.
75 - 100 points: Congratulations!, you're a real BUS GUY; able to leap
                 tall speedbumps in a single bound; more powerful than
                 a Yugo; and we're gonna invite you over for beer and
                 pizza next week! (you bring the beer and pizza!).

--------------------------------
Not all gearheads are male . . .

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A BUS GIRL WHEN ...

You wear nail polish only to hide the grease underneath your fingernails.
At parties, when your friends show you pictures of their children,
   you show them pictures of your buses.
Going topless means driving around with the sunroof open.
You would rather spend Saturday afternoon at the junkyard than at the mall.
When looking to buy a house, you look at the garage first.
Your house is a mess while your bus is spotless.
You sympathize with the guy whose wife will not let him buy another
   project bus.
When people talk about the classics, you think they are talking about
   Vintage split-window Microbuses.
The man at the auto parts store knows you by name.
The man at the auto parts store admires you because you know what you
   are talking about.
You want tools for Christmas.
You wonder why Wolfsburg West and Rocky Mountain Motorworks do not have
   bridal registries.
A cross-country trip in a leaky, drafty, temperamental Volkswagen Bus
   is your idea of a perfect vacation.
All of the tables, mirrors in your house are circular.
When someone mentions buying you a ring, you immediately ask for a new
   set of piston rings.
Your wardrobe is mainly black in order to hide the grease stains.
Your friends ask if you frosted your hair when you forgot to wash out
   the Bondo dust.
The centerpiece on your kitchen table consists of dismantled Solex
   carburetors.
You would rather get a package from Fast Freddy's than from Frederick's
   of Hollywood.