Date: Fri, 30 Jun 95 10:49:45 CDT
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From: Joel Walker <JWALKER@ua1vm.ua.edu>
Subject: FFFriday Fumbling Follies ... well, it's a start anyway ...
ok. here it is. not what i'd like (cause it isn't finished ... you'll have
to make up your own verses for some of the years), but i'm getting ready
to go mail some stuff at lunch, so i figure i'd better get it out while
the getting is good. :)
and i'm sorry i could think of anything "bad" to say about some years, but
the words just didn't flow. the whole point of the "song" is to poke fun at
each year and its "problems" (real or made-up). so if you have a year that
is made fun of and you think it shouldn't be ... tough! :) make up your own
verse!
----------------------------------------
<chorus: between each verse>
Ta-Ra-Ra-BOOM-de-A, Ta-Ra-Ra-BOOM-de-A!
What else is there to say?
Our Bus is here to stay!
If you drive a Fifty-Six,
Your transmission can't be fixed,
Cause there ain't no parts around,
You'll just have to walk to town!
If you drive a Fifty-Seven,
You won't make it up to Heaven,
Cause you curse and swear with spleen,
At your funky bus machine!
If you drive a Fifty-Eight,
You soon learn just who to hate,
All those honking stupid jerks
Behind your bus enroute to work!
If you drive a Fifty-Nine,
You must be deaf, dumb, and blind,
For your life ain't worth a dime,
What's your scheduled blow-up time?
If you drive a Sixty bus,
You can cause a lot of fuss,
In the right lane down the road,
Pushed by 18-wheeler Toads!!
If you drive a Sixty-One,
You can have a lot of fun,
With your windows open wide,
All the bugs can get inside!
If you drive a Sixty-Two,
Your repairs are never through,
While the rust eats through your frame,
You still wonder who to blame!
If you drive a Sixty-Three,
You're almost as dumb as me,
That's the year they called them back,
Cause of all the things they lack!
If you drive a Sixty-Four,
Your big butt will soon be sore,
For your shocks ain't worth a flip,
You get sore on every trip!
If you drive a Sixty-Five,
You're quite lucky if alive,
Cause them brakes can't stop you fast,
And in traffic, you are last!
If you drive a Sixty-Six,
You'll break things no one can fix,
Things that cost both legs and arms,
Things that do your wallet harm!
If you drive a Sixty-Seven,
Get it home before e-leven,
Cause it needs a lot of rest,
If you want it at its best!
If you drive a Sixty-Eight,
Don't get home 'fore half-past eight,
Cause the neighbors spit and spark
at your Bus before it's dark!
If you drive a Sixty-Nine,
Fill your pockets with some dimes,
Cause the payphones on the road
Won't take nickels when you're towed.
If you drive a Seven-ty,
It's the same as the last three,
Not much change from year to year,
That's the way they do it here.
If you drive a Seven-One,
You will have a lot of fun,
Cause your brakes are round and disc
... makes your stopping less a risk!
If you drive a Seven-Two,
You know what you have to do:
Junk those dual carbs you've got
Cause they aren't worth a lot!
If you drive a Seven-Three,
It's as plain as A-B-C,
Same old carbs as Seven-Two,
And your wallet they will screw!
If you drive a Seven-Four,
It's some better than before,
Cause it's now got E-F-I,
Fuel Injection, squirts your eye!
If you drive a Seven-Five,
...
...
...
If you drive a Seven-Six,
You must learn a lot of tricks,
Have to hold your mouth just right
Or you have no lights at night!
If you drive a Double-Seven,
...
...
...
If you drive a Seven-Eight,
...
...
...
If you drive a Seven-Nine,
...
...
...
If you drive a Eighty bus,
You won't have much need to cuss,
Doesn't seem to have much woes,
It just goes and goes and goes!
If you drive a Eighty-One,
You'll have lots and lots of sun,
If you got the big sunroof,
Now if it were just leak-proof!!
If you drive a Eighty-Two,
You can get a bus that's new!
One without them sparking plugs,
But those Diesels run like slugs!
If you drive a Eighty-Three,
You have things you cannot see!
Now the engine's watercooled,
Don't look now, but you've been fooled!!
If you drive a Eighty-Four,
It's the same as just before.
Not much change from just last year,
'Cept no diesels shipped to here!
If you drive a Eighty-Five,
It's a fight to keep it live,
Cause the dealers don't much care,
When they fix it, it's so rare.
If you drive a Eighty-Six,
You'll need luck to find a fix,
Dealers still don't give a crap,
So the bus must take the rap!
If you drive a Eighty-Seven,
...
...
...
If you drive a Eighty-Eight,
It's for sure your head ain't straight,
Bumpers now are fibreglas,
And they don't protect your ass!
If you drive a Eighty-Nine,
And you hear a whistling whine,
That just normal for that year:
Means you're losing your 4th gear!
If you drive a Ninety bus,
You won't have to fight with rust,
Cause its skin is galvanized
It just crinkles when it dries!!
If you drive a Ninety-One,
It's much better on your buns,
Much more comfy on those trips,
Now, if you could stop those drips!
If you drive a Ninety-Two,
You must be deaf, dumb, and blue ...
Cause the dealer lied to you:
There weren't no bus in Ninety-Two!
If you drive a Ninety-Three,
There are things you'll never see:
No more engine in the rear!
It's up front where you can hear!
If you drive a Ninety-Four,
and you're on the U.S. shore,
You're just lying through your beer,
Cause they didn't sell that year!
If you drive a Ninety-Five,
Just be glad you're still alive!
Most folks here were killed outright
By a case of Sticker-Fright!!