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Date:         Mon, 04 Sep 95 09:55:13 CDT
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         Joel Walker <JWALKER@ua1vm.ua.edu>
Subject:      ha! and you thought Friday was over!  ... :)

i found this on another car-related mailing list, and somehow it seemed somewhat appropriate. ;)

By W. H. Charnock (an English poet) Horseless Savages 1952

COUNSEL TO MAIDENS

Oh damsel fair, beware the car Where seating space is wider far Than any man of reason needs Except to further his misdeeds; The steering-column change eschew, No good can come of it for you, And likewise any motor shun From which you can't bale out and run.

Let maiden modesty decide To take a summer evening ride In something of the vintage breed, For virtue's friend was ever speed. No vulpine sibilance can come From guileless lips of vintage chum, With passion he is never dizzy, (His motor keeps him far too busy) And vintage bucket seats preclude The acrobatic interlude.

Nor can he sit you in the back, For there a Jerrican, a jack, An inner tube, some oily rags, A pair of mouldy flannel bags, A grease gun, several tattered maps, Dead bottles left by other chaps, A tow rope and a grimy glove Leave not a lot of room for love.

Don Juan hands it to his betters To flirt with triple carburettors, And modern Casanovas thrive On ultrhydramatic drive, But vintage bod of stark appearance Gives his poppets ample clearance, He keeps his honour engine-bright, Is never loose and seldome tight.

And should the half-elliptic ride Bring bruise to tender underside, Those precious nylons go to hell Among the spanners in the well, And gearbox cast a blob or two On tiny white and cherished shoe, These are but little things to pay For being out of Danger's way, The while you blind to Kingdom Come And back again intact, to Mum.

The trouble is, the vintage brew At length may prove too strong for you, And if with him you ride a lot, You'll end by marrying the clot.

So, all in all, it seems to us You're safer riding on a bus.

Other works by the same author were EPHEMERID, DOWN IN THE SUMPS (out of print in '52), and UNBALANCED CRANKS (not yet published in '52).

Unbalanced Cranks?? sounds like some of the folks on the bus/vanagon list!!!! :)

unca joel <the ONLY balanced crank in the whole lot!> :)


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