Date: Fri, 3 Nov 1995 09:42:00 CST6CDT
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From: "Dan Houg" <fairwind@northernnet.com>
Subject: /f The Thermostat Sketch
Fried-Day!
the following was inspired by a post from Gerry, yesterday... we've
all been there. apologies to Monty Python and the original 'Argument
Sketch'
**** The Thermostat Sketch
**** transcribed from a tape of the record of
**** Monty Python Live at City Center
A man walks into Friendly Local Auto Parts Store.
Man: Good morning, I'd like to buy an thermostat, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see, well we'll see who's free at the moment.
Mr. Bakely's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory.
No.
Try Mr. Barnhart, room 12.
Customer: Thank you.
He enters room 12.
Man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
Customer: Well, Well, I was told outside that...
Man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT
DROPPINGS!
Customer: What?
Man: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME
PUKE! YOU VACUOUS
STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
Customer: Yes, but I came here for an thermostat!!
Man: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is sales!
Customer: Oh! Oh I see!
Man: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.
Customer: Oh...Sorry...
Man:Not at all!
Man: (under his breath) stupid git.
The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk.
Customer: Is this the right room for a thermostat?
Counterman:(pause) I've told you once.
Customer: No you haven't!
Counterman: Yes I have.
Customer: When?
Counterman: Just now.
Customer: No you didn't!
Counterman: Yes I did!
Customer: You didn't!
Counterman: I did!
Customer: You didn't!
Counterman: I'm telling you, I did!
Customer: You didn't!
Counterman: Oh I'm sorry, is this a summer
thermostat, or the winter?
Customer: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the summer.
Counterman: Just the summer. Thank you.
Anyway, I did.
Customer: You most certainly did not!
Counterman: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most
definitely told you!
Customer: Oh no you didn't!
Counterman: Oh yes I did! ___
Customer: Oh no you didn't! >
Counterman: Oh yes I did! >
Customer: Oh no you didn't! >
Counterman: Oh yes I did! >
Customer: Oh no you didn't! >
Counterman: Oh yes I did! >
Customer: Oh no you didn't! >
Counterman: Oh yes I did! > very fast
Customer: Oh no you didn't! /
Counterman: Oh yes I did! /
Customer: No you DIDN'T! /
Counterman: Oh yes I did! /
Customer: No you DIDN'T! /
Counterman: Oh yes I did! /
Customer: No you DIDN'T! /
Counterman: Oh yes I did! ___/
Customer: Oh look, this isn't a thermostat!
(pause)
Counterman: Yes it is!
Customer: No it isn't!
(pause)
Customer: It's just a gasket!
Counterman: No it isn't!
Customer: It IS!
Counterman: It is NOT!
Customer: You just contradicted me!
Counterman: No I didn't!
Customer: You DID!
Counterman: No no no!
Customer: You did just then!
Counterman: Nonsense!
Customer: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!
(pause)
Counterman: No it isn't!
Customer: Yes it is!
(pause)
I came here for a good thermostat!
Counterman: AH, no you didn't, you came here for a *thermostat*!
Customer: A thermostat isn't just a gasket.
Counterman: Well! it CAN be!
Customer: No it can't!
A thermostat is temperature regulating device.
Counterman: No it isn't!
Customer: Yes it is! 'tisn't just a gasket.
Counterman: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary
position!
Customer: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't".
Counterman: Yes it is!
Customer: No it isn't!
Counterman: Yes it is!
Customer: No it isn't!
Counterman: Yes it is!
Customer: No it ISN'T! Thermostat is a piece of metal. A Gasket is
just paper.
Counterman: It is NOT!
Customer: It is!
Counterman: Not at all!
Customer: It is!
>DING!< The Counterman hits a bell on his desk and stops.
Counterman: Thank you, that's it.
Customer: (stunned) What? That's it?
and, well... you get the idea :)
