Date:         Wed, 19 Jun 1996 09:03:48 -0700 (PDT)
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         "Steven Johnson" <sjohnson@pcocd2.intel.com>
Subject:      College Entrance Essay (No VW Content) [f]

I apologize that this does not have any VW content what-so-ever, but 
it just somehow fits this group to a 'T'.  

College Entrance Essay

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant when applying
to NYU.  The author of this essay now attends NYU.

3A. ESSAY

IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU,
THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

Q.  ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU >HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS
A PERSON?

Answer:

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.  I
have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making
them more efficient in the area of heat retention.  I translate ethnic
slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time
efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty -
Minute Brownies in twenty minutes.  I am an expert in stucco, a
veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
army ants.  I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am
the subject of numerous documentaries.  When I'm bored, I build large
suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.  On
Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of
charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening
wear.  I don't perspire.  I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan
mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes.

Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force
demonstration.  I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me
fame in international botany circles.  Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly
accuracy.  I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield
in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that
evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the
supermarket.  I have performed several covert operations for the CIA.
I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair.  While on
vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of
terrorists who had seized a small bakery.  The laws of physics do not
apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid.  On
weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami.
Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it
down.  I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli
and a toaster oven.  I breed prize-winning clams.  I have won
bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and
spelling bees at the Kremlin.  I have played Hamlet, I have performed
open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Steven

sjohnson@pcocd2.intel.com