Date:         Fri, 13 Sep 96 17:08:45 EDT
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         snuggles@VNET.IBM.COM
Subject:      Why did the VW Cross the Road? (Fri Follies)

i borrowed this from someone whose name i don't know. hope this adaption
doesn't offend any hardcore philosophers. HAPPY FRIDAY!


   WHY DID THE VW Van CROSS THE ROAD?

   Plato:
           For the greater good.

   Karl Marx:
           It was an historical inevitability.

   Machiavelli:
           So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a VW Vann
           which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but
           also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend
           with such a paragon of mechanical virtue?  In such a manner is the
           princely VW Van's dominion maintained.

   Hippocrates:
           Because of an excess of dark gooey stuff in its pancreas.

   Jacques Derrida:
           Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the
           act of the VW VAN crossing the road, and each interpretation is
           equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned,
           because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

   Thomas de Torquemada:
           Give me ten minutes with the VW VAN and I'll find out.

   Timothy Leary:
           Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
          let it take.

   Douglas Adams:
           Forty-two.

   Nietzsche:
           Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes
           also across you.

   Oliver North:
           National Security was at stake.

   B.F. Skinner:
           Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium
           from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it
           would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to
           be of its own free will.

    arl Jung:
           The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
           individual VW VANS cross roads at this historical juncture, and
           therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

    ean-Paul Sartre:
           In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
           VW VAN found it necessary to cross the road.

   Ludwig Wittgenstein:
           The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects
           "VWVAN" and "road", and circumstances came into being which
           caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

   Albert Einstein:
           Whether the VWVan crossed the road or the road crossed the
           VWVAn  depends upon your frame of reference.

   Aristotle:
           To actualize its potential.

   Buddha:
           If you ask this question, you deny your own VWBUS-nature.

   Howard Cosell:
           It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to
           grace the annals of history.  An historic, unprecedented mechanical
           biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement
           formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a
           remarkable occurence.

   Salvador Dali:
           The Fish.

   Darwin:
           It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

   Emily Dickinson:
           Because it could not stop for death.

   Epicurus:
           For fun.

   Ralph Waldo Emerson:
           It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

   Johann Friedrich von Goethe:
           The eternal bus-principle made it do it.

   Ernest Hemingway:
           To die.  In the rain.

   Werner Heisenberg:
           We are not sure which side of the road the VWBus was on, but it
           was moving very slow.

   David Hume:
           Out of custom and habit.

   Saddam Hussein:
           This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
           justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

   Jack Nicholson:
           'Cause it (censored) wanted to.  That's the (censored) reason.

   Pyrrho the Skeptic:
           What road?

   Ronald Reagan:
           I forget.

   John Sununu:
           The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
           so quite understandably the VWBUS availed itself of the
           opportunity.

   The Sphinx:
           You tell me.

   Henry David Thoreau:
           To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

   Mark Twain:
           The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.


jonathan
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
              "And 100,000 tons of steel, made to roll
           the brakes don't work and this grade's too steep,
                      Her engines sure to blow"

jonathan edwards      '74 Retrowestie (Rumba)     '77 Westy(NoNameYet)
raleigh, nc           '90 Taurus (FOR SALE)       '76 Fiance(DaWoman)
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