Date:         Fri, 21 Feb 1997 11:26:02 -0500
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         William Dummitt <williamd@compuserve.com>
Subject:      Friday humor(non-VW,long)

This assignment was actually turned in by two English students: >>
>>        Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted> >>      
 English 44A
>>        SMU
>>        Creative Writing
>>        Prof Miller
>>
>>        In-class Assignment for Wednesday
 >>
>>Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.  The
 >>process is simple.  Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
 >>his
>>or her immediate right.  One of you will then write the first paragraph
of 
>>a
>>short story.  The partner will read the first paragraph and then add 
>>another paragraph to the story.  The first person will then add a third
 >>paragraph, and so on back and forth.  Remember to reread what has
>>been written each time in order to keep the story coherent.  The story is

>>over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
>>   ----------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.  The 
>>camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now 
>>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he 
>>liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off 
>>Carl.  His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him 
>>too much her asthma started acting up again.  So camomile was out of
>>the question.
>>
>>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron 
>>now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than

>>the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom
>>he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.  "A.S. Harris to 
>>Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
 >>established.  No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign
off
 >>a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through

>>his ship's cargo bay.  The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out
of 
>>his
>>seat and across the cockpit.
>>
>>He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt 
>>one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
 >>had ever had feelings for him.  Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its 
>>pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
 >>Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read
>>in her newspaper one morning.  The news simultaneously excited her 
>>and bored her.  She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- 
>>when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no 
>>newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
 >>innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her.  "Why must one
 >>lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>>
>>Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
 >>of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of

>>its lithium fusion missiles.  The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed 
>>the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left 
>>Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
 >>determined to destroy the human race.  Within two hours after the
 >>passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
 >>carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.  With no one
to 
>>stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan.  The lithium
fusion 
>>missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.  The President, in his 
>>top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
>>coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which 
>>vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed
>>his fist on the conference table.  "We can't allow this!  I'm going to
veto 
>>that treaty!  Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
>>
>>This is absurd.  I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My 
>>writing
>>partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. 
>>
>>Yeah?  Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at 
>>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
>>
>>You total shit.
>>
>>
>