Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997 11:26:02 -0500
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From: William Dummitt <williamd@compuserve.com>
Subject: Friday humor(non-VW,long)
This assignment was actually turned in by two English students: >>
>> Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted> >>
English 44A
>> SMU
>> Creative Writing
>> Prof Miller
>>
>> In-class Assignment for Wednesday
>>
>>Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
>>process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
>>his
>>or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph
of
>>a
>>short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
>>another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third
>>paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has
>>been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is
>>over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
>> ----------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>>camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
>>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
>>liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off
>>Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him
>>too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of
>>the question.
>>
>>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
>>now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than
>>the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom
>>he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
>>Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
>>established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign
off
>>a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through
>>his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out
of
>>his
>>seat and across the cockpit.
>>
>>He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt
>>one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
>>had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its
>>pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
>>Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read
>>in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her
>>and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth --
>>when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
>>newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
>>innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
>>lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
>>
>>Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
>>of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
>>its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
>>the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left
>>Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
>>determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
>>passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
>>carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one
to
>>stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
fusion
>>missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
>>top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
>>coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which
>>vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed
>>his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to
veto
>>that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
>>
>>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>>writing
>>partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
>>
>>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
>>
>>You total shit.
>>
>>
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