Merry XMAS! ----- Original Message ----- From: "Yasment, Jason (CRD, Proliant Consulting)" <yasment@crd.ge.com> To: <jyasment@nycap.rr.com> Sent: Friday, December 03, 1999 7:17 AM Subject: FW: Santa's New Contract
> > > -----Original Message----- > From: Julie Yasment [mailto:JYasment@csarchpc.com] > Sent: Thursday, December 02, 1999 2:52 PM > To: Yasment, Jason (CRD, Proliant Consulting) > Subject: FW: Santa's New Contract > > > -----Original Message----- > From: Anele Dzekciorius > Sent: Wednesday, December 01, 1999 6:02 PM > To: Lynn Dunning-Vaughn; Julie Yasment; Rosemarie Carangelo; Maria > Sciocchetti; Diane Stein > Subject: FW: Santa's New Contract > > > > Everyone ready for Christmas?!?!?! > > > Subject: Santa's New Contract > > Santa's New Contract > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be > able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the > overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was > re-negotiated > by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. > I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and > > Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer > breaks > for milk and cookies so keep that in mind. However, I'm certain your > children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens > to > be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the > South > Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and > girls; > however, there are a few differences between us. > Differences such as: > 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba > Claus. > He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads: > "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson." > 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children > leave > an > RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba > doesn't > smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty > spit > cup handy. > 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs > instead > of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer > one > time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace. > 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..." > when > Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace, > on > Martin and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty." > 5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are > likely > to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!" > 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does > have > a > Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off" The > last > I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well. One > is a > Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the > other > is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy. > 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th > Street" > and > "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing > area. > Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the > Bandit > IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol > cars > crashing into each other. > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure > you, > the > wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents > > under the tree. > 9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like > > "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is > Coming > to Town." This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the > AM > radio stations in the South. Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's > "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run'd Over by a > Reindeer." > > Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus (member of North American Fairies and Elves > > Local 209) > |
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