Dear Would-Be Usurper of our federally registered mark:

You are hereby ORDERED by general counsel for $CRAP Industries to cease and desist from further attempts to infringe upon our mark.  Be advised not only will we pursue this legally, but also we have been known often to take the law into our own hands--the hands of masters, at that. 

Even though YOU the alleged inventor of the great State of North Carolina claim to be the owner, as far as the records are concerned, and the world at large, WE at  $CRAP Industries own this name and every appurtenance to it.  Do not attempt to foil us.  Our plan was created by one of the foremost authorities in the world on legal manuevering.  You will not succeed. 

Sincerely,
$CRAP INDUSTRIES


(fur nachtes freitag)